apparently its OK to be here sometimes...but when your in it, it sure as hell does not feel like it. A huge spiritual shift is happening and like a cyclone I am in the eye of it...NO WAIT, it actually feels like I am 5km from the eye of it...if you know anything about cyclones (and I don't, but I do recollect that), the eye is the safest part.
"There is NO wind and usually very little rain in the eye, the centre of a cyclone. The winds rotate around the outside, and within these rotations they also swirl vertically".
Now that we're clear...phew. It still feels like inner chaos no matter where I am in and amongst this cyclone / shift. I know things "come and go" and as confusius reminds me "this too shall pass". But whats the difference here is that in trying to be with whatever is going inside is not very comfortable per se. Purging emotions and shedding tears, the insatiable appetite for sleep and the knee jerk reaction to run away and not face what ever this cyclone is doing, is literally appearing to be one of the most challenging things.
Who am I kidding, it only started an hour ago when a friend called and said, "be with it... this is good, this is what needs to happen". Since Monday, I have still been the persistent / ignorant little fighter that I always am. Strong! Egoic even! It appears the new 'weak' is the new strong in this spiritual day and age of 'universal consciousness awakening'. Surrendering to what the body and mind feels, allowing it to have its way with you...coming face to face with old conditioning, habits, desires. I don't likeY right now! But it is the necessary evil to the truth, the infinite, the essential self, the higher consciousness.
How do you surrender? how do you be with it when it feels so horrible and frightened? Its like being in a theme park and going through the biggest house of horrors and never getting off...oh shit wait...that just semi answered my own question. I'm gonna flow with this....if I was to stay on the ride repeatedly and go through the scares and frights that you encounter in this rechid house, after a few laps it wouldn't be so scary and all the skeletons in the closet would be exposed and no longer a shock. I would simply know how to handle the emotion when these skeletons jump out. Making me better equipped... It could almost be fun! you could laugh with it or at it by simply knowing its there and acknowledging. I would almost be reaction less to it (emotion) because I have confronted, dealt, surrendered....maybe this is too simplistic.
The mind (ego) is creative...you will be my servant! I will not be yours!
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