why her?

so in doing one of my first morning meditations this week, hence this morning. 17th Nov 2013. I wanted to understand why I like the girl that I do. What is it about her that keeps me curious and intrigued. At no point along the way has she indicated to me that she is interested in more than just friends. We have hung out and had a few day time dates, if you can even call them that. I mean, yoga, running, sculptures by the sea. But each time we part, I left feeling more confused. I know this is how I am, and I tend to over analyse every detail of every thought and this has now extended outward and beyond me back into the world to behaving a little more out of sorts, awkward encounters, detailed text messages to try and lock things in, showing up at her work to have a drink, leaving without saying goodbye, attention seeking basically. To the point where she has cancelled our next "hang-out" to get her assessment done... :( Granted, it is probably the truth, but one cannot go into their story of, why did she cancel, she doesn't like me, no body likes me....think I'll just eat worms...and so the story goes....wah wah fukkin wah.

So here I am, left to be blogging after almost a year. I forgot how much I do actually enjoy doing this. Nothing but brutal honesty and purity of thought. What ever thought comes up usually ends up on the page.

So the question...why do I like her? (so much)?

The challenge, The thrill chase. That initial rush of making eye contact with someone and ....just, ahhh smiling, wanting to make the eye contact, but trying not to. That snicker, that cheeky look in the eye.
Her mind. she gets me. or at least listens to me. and more often than not has similar views.
Shes cute!
Intriguing, curious.
Likes street art! - even better, does street art.
Trains, good arms :)
Has a story, an interesting past.
Likes living and experiencing.
Travels.
Self motivated and has a purpose.

So...am I digging on her because she is a resemblance of me and all the things, i am, have been, want to be more of again. More of an equal.

I just asked myself. How do I obtain, attract and win the heart of someone like this? Someone so similar to me? my gut response came up as fight for it, but give it space. Allow nature to take its course. If its meant to be, it will and if it doesn't then this energy spent over analysing is energy spent on something that didn't even exist.

Now get up and go for your morning run!