Day 9

#30mins300days

sunday yoga self practice, theta meditation workshop in annandale, yin yoga with mel

crazy things we do to heal

im heading to new york in august for a couple of weeks of nothing and to do some yoga studio research catch up with a mate or two but mostly to find my independance again. i know i will be ok because i have made it thru this type of thing before.... this being a relationship that had most of the right ingredients that was possible that was tainted with mistrust... but purely the experience of being with a person who wont own their own behaviour... i stayed for so long because i thought it was me that also needed to change. maybe in bit i did but not to the degree that our whole relationship demanded.

break up #6

what a disaster! this time it feels like we are both at our limit. the last message declaring 'i have nothing left' resonated and struck a cord in her too. I havent heard from her since sunday night and it makes me want to cry! a part is wishes she wouldnt text and huge lart of me for the last two days does. I dont want her to be in lain and i know she will be in more lain than i. well its nice to think like this unfortunately! it brings some sort of comfort. But i know she doesnt have the support and mind space that i have in my life. But who the fuck am i to speculate. for wll i know she might be happy as fuck! energised! laughing! relieved! who cares!!!!! i have to stop thinking of it this way. But i know she will be suffering allot! i wish i was there to help with home renos to acheive something so awesome and cool together. i wish we were going to hawaii together!

I miss her face, her smell, her body, her voice, her name appearing on the screen of my phone when she calls, stickers, kisses, her version of love,laughing talking, cooking meals together, party for two. 

some great memories well spent....

BUT THE PAIN!!! the anger! Icant any more... it hurts too much!! 

It shouldnt be this hard! its hard allot. i have lost so much of mysrlf... i know it can be found again of course but it will take some time. time to consciously heal. 30 mins for 30 days is a program i am gonna stick to. 

30 mins of moaning and pining is allowed for 3o days as well as 30 mins of cardio. Cardio or crying!! lets the poison and toxins of this heartbreak leave me. leading me slowly and steadily back to self love.