Satsang Part 1

10th Oct 2011
I chose to skip satsung tonight. 

Well I chose to because I'm not a big fan of chanting and worship. I feel that my presence and attending of this course is me showing my respect and belief in something above myself. I do not want to sound arrogant and therefore ignorant but in keeping an open mind to the teachings and practice of Indian tradition by way of spiritual practice I feel that the chanting twice per day is a little too much for me. I will continue to attend all sessions to show that I am not just being a stubborn Liz smiz westerner that is not prepared to change her ways and adapt, I will try the chanting when I am ready but I am really struggling to believe in it.

Thank goodness for a "notes pad" on the iPhone. Without it writing in the middle of the morning would he impossible...

So I'm a week in and it 4.35 am on 16 oct 2011... :-)We have to be waking up soon for satsang. I skipped it again last night because twice a day feels like a little too much. I'm sure this is lots of ego consciousness supporting my initial and ever so valid belief that was chanting super mantras Hare Krishna style was not for me. Now considering I am a super stubborn mutha so and so at the best of times when it comes to jamming religion and belief systems down ones throat. Having me attend twice a day  and then asking me to sing about it is just not going to happen.... What did I do instead... Well couldn't get myself off because I also have 7 room mates! All lovely and wonderful but nevertheless, privacy is not going to be part of my ashram experience :) inner stillness and peace is the selected out come here. So mind fucking myself or having wild and illustrious fantasies about a desirable female... I read shantaram. 

A book that once you pick it up is so hard to put down.  But with our militant schedule I barely have time to pick it up. So skipping satsang seemed like the only valid reason or means to enable me to pick up this epic tale of a novel.

unComfortably NUMB!!!

My head is spinning around and around and it's even actually pounding!! I'm not sure if it cigarette withdrawals, coffee withdrawals or sugar withdrawls... or perhaps the liver damaged I caused in London or maybe even my western comforts (though I have my mac book with). Knowing me, my vices and my behaviour up until yesterday, it would would probably be all of the above in equal magnitudes. Although I am here (India) by choice and for the greater good of my being. In the last 48 hours I have really struggled with finding a positive head space. I'm not sure if it's specific to me but perhaps minus chanting, I would be sweet. I just want to do yoga!! and deepen my practice!! 'says my narrow ignorant mind' while the enlightened part of me says "this is yoga". Taking all of it for what it is and embracing it, making no judgement, knowing that you can take it or leave it at the end...

.... Well fact of the matter is, I'm having trouble sitting still. Everything hurts, aches and goes numb. So I need to lay, twist, spread, stretch, and massage myself to comfort for another 20 minute meditation, in which all I spend time is blocking out 3-4 dogs barking, people coughing, sniffling and also moving restlessly...at this stage meditation to no avail... Then we chant, then my mind wonders...then I want to leave...

Mind the GaP

Please...Mind the Gap

The London underground at most times of day is always an interesting experience. You really and truly do see all sorts of people from all walks of life. The awkward part about most journeys is that unlike trains at home (looking at the back of someones head) on the underground the seats face each other in a minute distance of less than a meter. So trying not to stare and definitely not getting busted when finding intrigue can often be difficult. So many people, including me wear their sunglasses on the tube and I'm sure its for this reason. It's easier to stare and harder to get caught.