it's not about weight loss then what's it about?

why is it at this time of year (December) all the supposed fitness bloggers and subject matter experts 'harp' on about the 5 best exercises to keep weight off, the 1 secret to weight loss at christmas time. 

Its ridiculous in this day and age to think that any with access to the internet and the overwhelming wealth of information didn't realise that the salted caramel pudding you are putting in your face isn't going to make you fat. 

The equation, incase you forgot is simple, energy out must be greater than energy in. 

End of story.

Beyond the fitness realm there is so much more going on in peoples lives than simply looking skinny or hot. There are countless, boys, girls, women and men all over Sydney focused on how amazing they can look. It may very well stand up as being an indicator of success and having found balance in our life. But on a global or world scale where do these first world issues play a part in self realization and being of service to others.

This is not a stand up argument, it is perhaps a pointless and weak observation through personal struggles to genuinely care about getting my body to a point where I have got rid of every pleasure in my life to parade it down the street.

In the wellness realm the main idea is to establish harmony with ones addictions, flaws and struggles. Harmony by way of dissolving or accepting one's self for the perceived misbehaviours outlined by fitness gurus.

It's all just a matter of opinion in the end anyway but narrow minded conservative media still portray a skinnier and skinnier self to equate happiness amidst all of the global issues of poverty, war, global warming, refugee migration. Its so much easier to turn a blind eye to all of these issues because none of us can immediately fix any of them! But haven't we fitness buffs already learnt that its starts within.

2014

not quite sure how to set the tone for this post...many times I come into the New Year with a warrior attitude ready to kick and smash goals...not saying that this year I am less motivated or don't have any goals...I am just feeling a little...indifferent, overwhelmed, expectation-less if you can even use it in such a way...

When I was on a high yesterday and a few days before that at a friends little house party, I thought to my self while looking over the city lights...what do you want? what makes you happy? the same questions that tick over and over in peoples minds quite possibly on a minute to minute basis every where, all the time, through out the universe.

While I was in this state, I did think, I am nor excited nor fearful of the future and what lies ahead in 2014...I suppose this is probably a good thing considering that life is about going with the flow...

So I thought whilst I am in this scatty headspace (new years day party) I would exercise my little brain muscle and ask it some striking life like questions...(bad idea, im sure...) but sometimes...the most insight.

love, friends and relationships...keep company with good peeps.
love is free
study...love learning...
work + save
holiday in June and Dec.

simple really.

thats all.

best wishes to me in 2014 xo

mum, dad and rock solid furniture

hahah like most things in my life, I'm typically all or nothing. Finding the balance is always the foreseen objective, however unobtainable it may seem....ideologically idealistically ideal! its very rare that we have time and resources to meet our ever evolving demands for more of this or less of that or to satisfy all the what ifs and 'shoulda', 'couldas'...My point is... I haven't written to you in over a year and today I am O.Deeing on blog entries. It feels good to do this and it also helps me to think. Therapy for my monkey mind.

I just wrote my dad a quick thank you email. My wonderful 68 year old parents came to my little studio apartment today to drop off and assemble a desk and wobbly chest of draws today. Mind you, the weather here in Sydney today is totally shitty and rainy but highly motivating bed weather.

After spending about 2 hours with my parents, I usually feel that this is enough and since living on my own again I can see that our hang out time is better quality than living under the same roof and driving each other mental. When they left, I was left with my old laptop that my mum brought back after using for a year or so to stream Filipino movies off the Internet as well as rock solid furniture that my Dad had glued, hammered and spanner-ed to industrial strength.

All I can think about after having them visit, as brief as it was. Is that I look at them, their lives and what they do for me and I am not sure I can understand how selfless life can become. Something I am sure only having a child can teach you. But today also helped me see, how no two people in the world could love me more than these two amazing souls. They will always be my rock solid furniture!

Two Minds

It must be those 2 voices sounding off again. One of logic, stability and adulthood and the other a creative artist waiting to explode with love, freedom, passion and the opportunity to set off on the next journey.

While it has only been 4 weeks since my return to my roots, Sydney...I have some many options, opportunities and potential to create something stable for my self. Though there is an equal part of me that wants nothing more than to be free.

But I am free right? but it seems that the lifestyle that I want to live and the career path that I have chosen are not succinct. In other words (God damn it) you cannot have your cake and eat it too! Why not?

So while a few things have come my way and fallen into place, I have made no concrete decision that effect the ejector seat button if I so desire to press it. A mobile phone contract and a gym membership are the least of worries.

The decision to take on full time study however is slowly nawing away at me and I am going to give this some serious thought, maybe a little hike to the mountains or a day at the beach to really feel what it is I want to do. I now know I am that point of which I need to specialise in something. Something to immerse myself and my energy that will deliver a given output. Its been a while...and my brain absolutely has the capability to do so, in fact it can do anything I fully invest myself into. Hmmmm maybe commitment to a degree for me, is just the commitment I am looking for? I find out more tomorrow about the specifics of Full Time Chinese Medicine Degree...holy shit. Even writing it feels different.

Travel or Study...those are the two minds! or Be free or Not be free. hmmmmmm

Taming the Monkey

Taming the monkey is the term used frequently in Buddhism, Meditation and just generally on the spiritual path.

If you think about a monkeys behaviour it is immediately apparent that they are all over the shop, can't sit still or do any one thing for too long before they are distracted by something else.

At times the mind or for the sake of my own blog, shall I say my mind gets a little loose. I have spent the greater part of this year in my own company observing this and slowly learning how to discipline myself when things get a little hectic upstairs.

I have been in Sydney now for just over 3 weeks and I feel like the monkey has escaped its cage. While I feel more grounded in familiar surroundings and am able to train as I like, when I like...the most important thing in my life. I feel that the energy is totally scattered and as a result it is leaking in all directions, none of which feel right.

I am calling it P.T.D. Post Travel Depression / Distress!

I am not sure where to start...so am gonna workshop it right here!

Obviously an income would be beneficial, but where from. Everything I want or think I could do and have therefore applied to is not returning a favourable response if at all. Which leads me to believe, that this would not be a suitable path. OK fine. I can handle that.

So then what? am I supposed to create groups and t-shirts and hope that things build up quick enough to create an income that then allows me a) to buy a car and b) move back into the city...but then, all of this requires a total commitment to staying here in Sydney for an unknown period.

Well thats not so bad...Sydney is fab for the time being, family, friends, familiarity. Sounds like a good deal. But to not be out there traveling does not sound like fun! Someone to travel with on a permanent basis would be fucking ideal but not everyone is on the same path or as nomadic as I am or can handle the instability like I do. (Though it may not sound like that right now)....I am actually sweet about who I am (Soham). But...all this travel makes it hard to meet and really develop anything long lasting and sustainable.

The other option is, do anything that gets me money to get me through to the end of the year at which time it will christmas and all the fun stuff and then throw myself into 4 years of study. Eeeek commitment...this will be the next post as this is a whole other subject inextricably linked to this monkey mind of mine right now...FUCK could commitment be the answer to this wild animalistic monkey of mine palying acrobatics in my head?

Home is where the heart is...

After almost a week at home I am feeling normalised, acclimatised and almost revitalised. I haven't caught up with too many peeps just as yet as I am really just trying to settle and find what feels right...

Home is always a good place to start...

I'm not sure what is to happen on the career front as I am torn once again between the idea of more travel and to study...my nerdy secret passion...information, knowledge and answers.

Here is the gist...

Why Travel?
Because I am young, no attachments, no children...pure and unadulterated freedom at my finger tips to do as I wish, how wish and when I wish...the gift of life really. I have two more continents that I just want to touch before I settle. I mean 100's of countries but I know and accept that you can't do it all in once life time...but you sure as hell can try!

Why Study?
Because I am the seeker of answers, the seeker of truth. My legislated destiny...to impart the knowledge upon others??? maybe! maybe not! But by studying Chinese Medicine I feel it will be the wrapping paper to the collection of knowledge I have accumulated, learned and experienced on this surreal experience of life!

Love...
It seems that I had allot of this ingredient early on in life; I was in and out of love like the weather. I got hurt, I hurt others, I let go, I moved on and since then and I have not been able to find someone worthy. A few candidates have appeared here and there and do hit the nail on the head but for whatever reason the cosmos and I are not vibrating on the same frequency to send me someone of the a similar capacity, consciousness or life level. While it is not an active search, I feel that if the part of me that wants to travel is greater than the part that wants to study I will always attract fly by relationships that are fulfilling in the present but not forever enduring. While being present and living moment to moment is nice...Love is also about being able to share your heart and mind with someone that continues to pursue their own dreams and life. I guess my fludity when it comes to life and love is not something that can be had by all. While I want the deep connection I still want the freedom...WOW! I sound bipolar at times...but answer me this...Is this a case of the chicken and the egg? or the rock and the hard place?

Anways...off to catch up with my boys and have some fun in Pyrmont. I love you Sydney, you always re-ground me! Give me 3 months and I know you will drive me up the wall.

it happened like 'this' for a reason

Sometimes it is not obvious how or why things happen the way do. But when you learn the truth, often what you want is no longer available or is simply eliminated from the list due to the fulfillment of the unexpected. You observe the resistance inside and are rudely shocked by how little you felt by the previous desire or longing for something that was or that could be. 

It is almost laughable sometimes that what you knew subconsciously all along is often the result in the end anyway. You wonder what all the excitement and anxiety was about in the first place??? Most often it is linked to an unrealistic desire or to fulfill a conditioned expectation of what you think you need in order to fulfill a void with in. Shocking!

So when the turn of events, turns...it is vital to remember that it happened this way for a reason and probably for the best reason...the reason does not have to be labelled, identified or felt...silent observation and acceptance is usually enough.

Silly Expectations

Expectations of what you cannot control really are a waste of time and a perfect way to mess up your flow... it can cause a temporary relief of excitement or nervousness but in the end fate has already decided its course. 

Over time the only thing that you learn that you can control is how you handle and manage your emotions and of course your perspective on life.

So the advice is, live without expectations and simply be at peace with how life unfolds...

Think and Grow Rich

I have known about this book since I was about 17, but like most things you discover early on in life you don't think it would be a book that serves you or serves a higher purpose. A good friend of mine at the time, Kane Wilson, even highly recommended it. But I guess I just never got around to reading it. 

Since being on this journey I have rediscovered or come across things that I have meant to get around to doing or reading while having the time and of course being more conscious to these recurring incidences.

Think and Grow Rich has finally come back into my life and this time I am reading it. What a powerful forward thinking book of knowledge. To think that this book was first published in 1937 and has since sold over 15 million copies says allot about the power of this book.

It seems that much theory and philosophy written in the last century surrounding the power of thoughts and manifestation have come from this book. It is the "ridgy didge" or the real deal if you will.

The 13 steps to creating abundance in your mind and your life. While much of the book talks about the attitude and mindset to creating wealth through changing your thoughts, you can see how you could apply to this any goal or objective you set your mind to and in helping you achieve your life purpose.

As I am (in my mind anyways) a hard core meditator I would say that combining the power of stillness with the power of concentration you will easily see and feel the difference in your day to day life when being true to this practice.

For the practice you are to hold a thought or a clear statement of 'definitive purpose and desire' in your mind and recite this twice a day every day for 10-30 minutes. 

The result???

The only option left for the sub-conscious then is to believe the programming that you are consciously submitting to it with concentration and focus every day twice a day...simple!

New Energy...

To be free like a butterfly!

I have a profound sense of positive energy lifting me today. My day started with a guided Ashtanga Mysore practice. While I am still unable to do most of the primary series, it actually helped me with my mind focus and balance this morning...actually suprising, considering the practice it self made me feel that I have never done yoga before. But thank you Lia for guiding the way :)

Tomorrow I head to the Philippines to finally see my Mum and of course all the cousins and aunties and uncles...yay!...

Where did this energy and insight come from...

In my professional observation of my own life, I feel that most of this energy has come from being in tune mentally to the my inner flow and accepting what it is. In my old stubborn mindset of expectations and control I limit myself...and isn't life all about taking what comes your way in open arms and making the best of it.

I could say that 'oh man, I really just want to stay here and keep working at it'...beat my self and feel like a failure. 

But NO!...this is not at all how it is. Right now the universe has other plans for me and while things may not have come out the way I 'expected', it has shown me other signs that are guiding me in another direction...which is now back to Sydney.

I miss that place anyways...even if I was to stay longer, I think I would still book a flight home for a visit and see some familiar faces and just check into my roots. I love Sydney too, but all to often when I return back there after some time away, I appreciate it more...

So in my last few weeks here on the island, I can now finally kick back and let go of all the should'a', could'a' and would'a's...and simply embrace the Liz time, no energy out and just do the things that feel good for me!

Inhale, Exhale....

I hate to say it out loud, but I still think that m*ryj*n* is a friend once in a while. We seem to get along very well. She makes me creative, want to write, eat less, smoke less, and do lots and lots of yoga. I have always kind of known about functional st*n*rs and how they just get into a zone and get shit done. For me...I am functional but 100 more times creative and productive in doing so...everything feels like a meditation. Heightened sense, fine awareness, focused mind (sometimes with chatter) but the creative flow of drawing and writing certainly keep me occupied for hours. Meditation is effortless,  listening to Buddhist teachings, these are but a few of the many things that m*ryj*n* helps me with me.

Lessons

I have learned a great deal about my self over the past 9 months and more specifically in the last few days. In a city choc full of people, we can choose to surround ourselves with people we choose. But as you minimise the number of people in your everyday, perhaps by moving to an island, you would think that being in search of the same peace and freedom the connection would be simple and require non-effort. It's probably just me and where I am at in terms of life-level, but it is most certainly interesting as to how we draw certain people into our life.

Here is what I have observed in the last few days;

- The way I 'feel' around difficult people.
- The way I 'feel' around negative people.
- Love and acceptance for oneself.
- Intense lonliness and opening the heart.
- Compassion, understanding, acceptance and letting go of past pain and expectations of the future.
- Learning to accept and appreciate the present moment.

While I can create this list and think about specific examples that led me to these conclusions. I would say the ones that take and require the most practice are the first 3.

I always have great patience when it comes to someone I care about, but when it come to people that get on my nerves instantly, I shut down. I have no space for them in my sphere of consciousness. I often wonder is does that lack of patience stem from the fact that as a mirror to this human being I to have these frustrating qualities or has it to do with the fact that my fault finding mind is living large.

Perhaps to some degree it is a bit of both. To walk away from the situation does not allow you to learn and move on, to go at it with anger just makes it worse and of course gives it life making it harder to resolve with two people rather than just in your own mind.

Is acceptance of the way it is the solution? or to throw love at it and meet it in the middle? or does just simply 'letting it go' serve?

No time or Too much time...

It seems that living on an island time evaporates like the tide! The days fly by and when you only do bits and pieces of work each day starts to feel the same. Mostly like a Sunday. Everything moves slower, time constraints are non existent and an afternoon siesta is simply part of the daily routine.

You only have time and time alone...alone as in only and also time on your own.

You can do as much or as little as you need...and with time as your only asset, it seems that the side effect strangely enough is the "losing track of the days", or feeling that the days come and go.

Whilst being on an island sounds magical it seems to have the unintentional implication of making you a bit lazy. No deadlines, no pressure, no push no shove.

Who thought I would be saying this out loud let alone on a blog available for the whole world to see.

I know that drive comes from with in (knowing clearly in your mind your purpose and of course your highest values). Unfortunately we are mostly motivated by the fear of something happening if we don't do something or the fear that if we do something x or y will happen. While this may be the case, it is also the necessary evil in order for us to keep pushing and striving in order to learn more about ourselves, why we are here and what keeps that flame inside humbly flickering.

To have no challenges, no distractions, no conflicts, irregular human interaction would be the end of our everyday suffering but the beginning of a life half lived. Having said this bold statement - out loud once again - it can therefore be said that in order to find balance we must grow spiritually in order to determine our balance in order to find inner peace and harmony with our place in the world.

Allot more can definitely be said for the pros and cons of living in a busy city or on a small island...perhaps experiencing both can help you see a little more clearly why in either situation getting to know your self is the most important seed we need sow and grow. So irrespective of logistics we remain grounded and true to our inner nature.

While some may thrive on hectic schedules and deadlines, others may crumble and vice versa. Leaving people to their own devices and running to their own schedule and timeline may result in a life of unfulfilled possibilities.

Our journey is our own expression of what is.

Mr Universe

I'm in your hands!

Am I being ignorant to what the universe is telling me right now. Do I need to go home earn real money (AUDees) and then decide? 

If I am the right path the universe would provide, but every day it seems the universe continues to take away from me. I'm not jumping up and down or crying about the discrepancy of financial abundance right now, though the day of darkness 2 days ago along with self destruction would indicate otherwise.

Here is my intention Mr universe

"just so 'we' (you and I) are both clear I am writing my intention and pressing publish so that it can be sent in to material cyberspace and be released from my cerebral cortex". i.e the sheet of neural tissue that is outermost to the cerebrum of the mammalian brain.

I am due to leave Chiang Mai by the end of the week and head to Koh Phangan. When I arrive at this destination I will have 2 weeks to write and complete 2 of my e-books as well as contemplate new ideas and conceptualise. In the middle of the month I have a week long retreat which I very much look forward to and 3 days post retreat I have a flight to meet with my wonderful mother (mumma) in her mother land the Philippines.

But let me explicitly express Dear Mr universe, that I remain totally open to what destiny may bring.

I reiterate: I trust, I accept I surrender completely. 

Happy Sunday.

A link: http://kissesandchaos.com/2011/06/12/trust-the-universe-it-knows-things/

I surrender

destination unknown

It feels like I have moved through the darkest part of the moment. Each new moment offers its own unique perspective, but some moments inflict a pain so hard to ignore that you become slave to its mechanics and have to trust that you will come out the other side wiser and stronger.

If we are to talk mechanics, it is not about understanding how things work, or being bogged down by the contents of the process. It is about trusting the greatest source in existence, the universe. This source  exists in order to keep us on track, remind us when we are misguided and ultimately lead us towards our higher purpose.

Yesterday I was taken over by the fear. I yielded little trust in what is and was held captive to a rampage of self-sabotage and abuse. I would treat no other human being like this, except of course…yours sincerely.

I was going to say 'we', but I can only speak for myself when I say this. “I” have a tendency toward juvenile behaviour of destructiveness because I have set expectations so high and possibly beyond my understanding of what is capable or meant for me right now. 

I was once told that -  “I am my own worst enemy”…but aren’t 'we' all at times.

After a drunken binge, I wake up feeling heavy and disastrous. I feel greatful for the people that were by my virtual side (skype) allowing me to be me, and creating a safe space for me to self -destruct. Though I have sincere gratitude, by no means do I feel resolution or inner calm.

Today, I spend the day, once again in my apartment and in my own company (which I am becoming quite good at) reflecting. Asking questions like...

What is it that you desire Elizabeth? What makes you tick? What makes you happy? What do you want? What are you looking for?

The hypothesis remains a big 'phat' question mark. All I know is that if I am to retreat and press pause on this journey to truth I will be a very unhappy sentient being. 

The last 6 months of ego de-condtioning and purging old emotion has shown me the light. Though it is still in the distance, at least now it is in my vision and more often that not I am showered by its love.

Though a solution would be ideal especially in this moment of uncertainty, I think the only thing left to do it surrender.

Surrender to what is – as is and therefore what will be – will be.

7 of Diamonds

Dear Mumma,

Your the first person I could think to tell....Oh I miss telling you all the random crazy stuff so I thought I would write you this blog to add to my collection of randomness.

  

Incase you are wondering is why your daughter is like a bird and not suffering from mental illness (lol) here is total proof and evidence that "what is - is" and "the way things are, are the way they are supposed to and they way things are supposed to be is the way they are".

This morning the strangest thing happened to me here in Koh Phangan.

I was sitting on the balcony of my bungalow chillin' and I saw that there was one single playing card wedged in the sand, with its top half peeking out. For some reason (it was totally tempting and intriguing), I decided to go and pick it up. I thought....oooh I wonder what card it is, if its an "ACE" I'm a champ and ....this means good luck. hehhehe or it could be a joker, which is also good luck!

BUT NO....even more funny and random is that it was a 7 of Diamonds. (Big deal right!)....well yes....huge deal in my world or in my numerology chart should I say.

Life Path 7

So about 5 years ago here in Thailand I had my numerology reading done. As soon as I saw this, I remembered in an instant that 7 it is my life path number...and whats even 'weirder' per se is that it was a 7 of diamonds. 

Last week Maggie asked me to shine like a diamond - shine - shine - shine!

It was the strangest thing that has happened to me in a long time maybe ever actually.

Especially the fact that it was right out the front of my bungalow on the beach! ahh life is enchanting...not as random as I used to think.

I want to invite you to read the two links below...I know you love me and think I am a bird, but now you will understand a birds brain better.  I think you will understand more about me and perhaps the reason I am a free spirit. Not by choice, but by nature. If I am to stay still or do not explore the world I do not evolve, I become frustrated and stressed etc.

My life path is 7
http://seventhlifepath.com/numerology/life-path-number-7/

My Destiny / Expression number is 5
http://www.numerology-report.info/destiny-number-5.html

Oh how I miss our Sunday morning coffee at home talking for hours. I love you so much.

Movement in Stillness

Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. 

~ Joseph Cambell

We can all be a little gun hoe at times, pushing, pursuing, striving and reaching to get to our destination. Well as the old ‘us’ should right?, that’s how we achieved everything thus far. Then comes a fork in the road, a challenge so great, so unfamiliar that we have to call in the ‘big guns’. (The big guns refer to an intense experience that requires conscious attention and awareness).

Where on earth do I find something greater than what I am?  Then you finally reach a point where you realise that weapons of mass destruction, fuelled anger, impatience, violence, low self worth, past conditioning are no longer a viable substitute for the journey ahead.

Like a battle at war, it’s scary, it instills fear, you feel weak, vulnerable and undeniably clueless of your next step. You may as well put away the guns, for you will fight a losing battle and here they are a worthless resistance on this path to self-love and acceptance.

The fork in road represents that point in your life you no longer understand what you are doing or why you are doing it. Life is asking you to stop and check in. It is not necessarily a derailment it is simply a time of reflection, a time to tune into your infinite frequency of truth and inner wisdom.

Allowing your life to unfold is really about taking a step back at points you feel this resistance. Pushing and frustration do not apply here. It is the time to be still, to observe, to be free from judgement and surrender to what is. The true answer will only present at this time.

When you are no longer guided by your essence the universe has a funny way of showing us. I know of so many people that have stumbled across this fork and had a complete, lets say ‘crisis’, before they made the career shift into passion and have now set off in a direction they did not even dream of.

Sometimes it takes us a while to realise we had even checked out. We go through the motions to get us from A – B. Often doing things we think we should be doing in order to fulfil an expectation set for us or set by ourselves but having lost the initial purpose. Often in those moments I would find myself asking, “what am I doing, How did this happen? How did I get here? Why am I doing this again?”

Its at those points we need to ask ourselves the question, what do I really want to be doing? How do I want to spend my days? What drives me? What puts me in my flow, where time disappears and 5 minutes feels like an hour? What is my essence, what feels right in my body when I ask it these questions?

Unfortunately, no one has the answer. Only stillness and silence can provide the space, but it is with practice and subtlety that we acknowledge what feels right in our body and being present to what is to unfold.

I write to you of this because this is my experience. I am a 32-year-old personal trainer who has trained to push hard, battle, and leap over obstacles and run away when I don’t understand or don’t like something. But by nature I am a traveller, an adventurer, the seeker of truth.  So having realised this at the ripe old age of 32 my path has brought me to Thailand to explore this inner wisdom and find my truth.

In the midst of setting up and delivering what I ‘thought’ to be “the services I offered”, wellness and holistic lifestyle coaching. I stumble across a gigantic fork, perhaps my ego or perhaps the confrontation of its destruction. Which ever, I now know and can better distinguish that the resistance I felt was the true ‘me’ speaking up. It is finally being heard, being felt and it now wants to guide me.

Typically I freak out, I’m not sure I like what it means, “letting go” and surrendering to what is. But am I ready?

I say No, but the universe clearly says yes. So I lock my self in my apartment for 4 days in a one to one battle with my mind. Crying, struggling, feeling lonely, resisting the shift, moving in and out of stillness, entertaining the steady stream of purging emotions; fear, anger, giving up and just wanting to go home. Feeling totally lost and frustrated! After 3 days, I am exhausted.

I had no choice but to surrender in stillness. It would have been about 3-4 hours of meditation and breathing that on that Saturday afternoon I was able to tune in and be guided to the answer that felt right in my body.

This experience truly felt that is was the battle of my unconsciousness, intuition and inner wisdom. Finally coming head to head with where the universe dissolves in to my being. All I had to do here was nothing, just be still, feel, listen.

It is at this meeting point that I realised I could no longer run, no longer keep doing things unconsciously as the universe would of kept finding me and challenging my purpose until I really understood how and why.

Am I sure this is my essence?

The universe has communicated to me by depleting my bank account and leaving me in what us western folk would call, ‘high and dry’.  I am totally high on life (especially having felt and understood my purpose), but I am also almost broke.

But the key appears…here is why.

Now I only work from that place inside that feels right, I attract and draw people that are of a similar nature and path. While I want to share my work in the mainstream as it could serve so many others, perhaps they are not ready. It is not to say that this work is exclusive, but in a way it is. You have to be willing to do the work, and ready to discover what is waiting.

Watching life unfold is enchanting and humorous, when we think we are entering one door, it often slams shut, leaving us no choice to be present to the next one that opens. There is always another door if you are conscious to it, but to decide which one we go through is perhaps not really up to us.

This is where stillness, non-doing and complete surrender become our guide. Moving us through the door that takes us to our higher purpose.

Now that I have accepted this process, I feel a connection to the universe. Work is simply appearing and the really funny thing about it is, that they are clients and projects that I want to work on. Unlike the past I am not taking on projects or clients because I need money, as I know in the long run this becomes draining. Financial abundance and true freedom comes when you work in alignment to who you are.

6 Steps to realign with your inner wisdom :

If you are at a cross-roads or a point in your life where you feel your direction is unknown.

·       Take a step back or some time off work to have some time with your self

·       Stay calm, be still and be with your self, it is part of a greater process

·       Use breath work and meditation

·       Check in with your body and ask questions…see what feels right

·       You have all the answers with in, you just have to tune and trust your inner guru. Only you know what is best for you.

·       So be still and cultivate inner awareness

perceiving reality

Perception is the minds filter to the way we decipher 'our' reality. 

what do you see?

Perception is mutable and capricious. It changes over time and from moment to moment. 

Perception is one of those gifts we receive as gold member of this life. Though unfortunately it has been infiltrated with a long history of evolution and bullshit. Whilst evolution is a dynamic variable, it is our individual birth right to seek our personal truth. Not of the world at large, but to understand our inner world and how we seamlessly are part of a collective consciousness all in search of a similar experience. Inner peace, happiness and freedom. 

It soon becomes apparent that all this 'bullshit' has manifested in order for seekers to find truth. Only those of worthy Inquisition and preparedness to change the 'filter' of their reality to see through the illusion of what we were conditioned to believe.

We (mankind) started simple, but because we are so smart we created an environment for ourselves that has forced us to place value upon material objects and status quo that are outside of our 'be-ing' that if we were to go to the grave we may still lay their unfulfilled.

Yes this is my perception, as I am totally aware that there are people who have achieved much success, have an abundant source of cash flow and fancy possessions and simultaneously recognise and appreciate a fortunate human experience. I highly commend them without cynicism. In fact, I admire them. 

My point or question then is really for the rest of us in search of our own truth. 

How can we cleanse our filter? 

How do we recondition the conditioning of evolution to create a personal revolution?

To answer this with virtue would be out of integrity to my higher self as my filter is undergoing an extreme makeover and at times it feel like the 'grit' causes a blockage that completely distorts all perception.

The only virtue to be cultivated in this process is one of trust and patience.  

It is a large probability that perhaps I am writing this because 'MY' perceived reality is that of simplicity. But in order to come to this 'simple' conclusion, there is the complexity of understanding the mind and ascertaining how to distinguish between which filter is sieving the information.

Q. How would our life be if we did not have a filter of perception?

It would seem impossible to have this wonderful human experience with out a perceiving mind. But I suspect that the process of reconditioning is about being able to see through and change ones perception to then come to a place of non-judgement and acceptance.   

The nature of the mind is to think and therefore perceive. In this beginning-less continuum of thoughts we can at any point consciously make the choice to step in and practice the cultivation of awareness and therefore see through perception. 

The question then becomes, where do I start? and my answer to this chestnut is...in the present moment.

This present moment 'bollocks' can be a frustrating response at times, especially when the ego wants to dance and all we want to do is bitch and moan and tell our story (which is again, is our perception). But like anything we have a choice...we can dance and let our minds lead us unconsciously to the dance floor as if we were on ecstasy or we can dance like no body is watching (chemical free) and let our soul show us the right moves.  

The Wind

I finally made it safely to Koh Phagan.

After a day of darkness with fear overwhelming me yesterday,(almost consuming me) I packed my bag to head off in discovery of my first 'find your flow' retreat. We have no one booked, but we are hopeful that people will be attending the workshops.

So I’m laying in my Bungalow listening to the hum of the wind and the crashing of waves. I actually do feel really secluded where I am. So while this week is not about retreat success it is about experiencing and finding the flow for myself.

For the last 3 months in Chiang Mai, I have been doing the work. I need a break from it. I need time to digest and apply. I love my life, my world and me. Sometimes I feel that it is hard to accept what is and go with the flow of life and remember that everything is, the way it is supposed to be. But if I was to take a giant leap back and look at the journey in retrospect, I would see the flowering of a wonderful human being lucky for her human experience.

Since I was 14 I remember that I always wanted to do what Liz wanted to do. Though when I was 14 I was living under my parents roof, getting suspended and eventually expelled and blasting Metallica, not only to piss my parents off but because it resonated with the feelings of frustration I felt growing up.

Childhood is another story, but in no way shape or form did I have a bad up bringing. I have the most amazing wonderful and supportive parents anyone could have ever have found. Their journey was necessary for them as much as me becoming a part of their world was for mine. I wouldn’t change a thing.

If they supported me creatively and recognised the potential of this dynamic little creature that is 'I'. I could honestly say that I would not be who I am today.

Back to that…I still have trouble processing the characteristics of my being. But as time goes by, especially in the last 3 months of being here in Chiang Mai. It is presented to me everyday that I am good at my work and totally in love with it.

It feels a little obnoxious to say because I have never thought of what I do as anything special. Essentially I am a personal trainer who now practices yoga and meditates. But ultimately I am morphing my skills of emotional intelligence, compassion and wisdom and combining them with my skills of physical fitness, nutrition and body awareness in to a program that can be accessed by anybody.

This acknowledgement has come to me after a long travel nanna nap, waking up to the powerful sound of the wind and waves crashing right at my door step of my Bungalow in Koh Phangan. I’m right on the beach. (Check it out)…

....The minute I walk out into the wind, I feel that it shifts and carries all my old, stale and negative energy away. Replenishing me with brand new prana.

I have said to people before in times of distress and anxiety. Things need to happen this way and cause you this pain in order for you to stop and check in. But, its not the content of the process that matters, but the process it self. So what’s going on really doesn’t matter its how you manage your attitude and perception of it that will reflect real growth and progress. But its also not about the progress it’s about acceptance, acceptance of where you are right now.

Fear

Friend or Foe...

In the end it seems to be your friend, but when I rose this morning it certainly was my foe.

Shitting my pants about the delivery of my first retreat. The desire for perfection leaves me feeling lost, scared and confused.

Though I know what I am doing is what feels right... I still have fear.

My ego is seems to be searching for constant approval from others to reassure 'it' that I am on the right path or something like that.

All I know is I didn't enjoy the feelings today but I made it to the airport nevertheless. So I am locked in!

I slowly move from fear into love...