sombre and sober

time goes by so slowly...when the heart feels lonely. distracted and diluted by booze all feels far from what was so real. its like i was just in it and now... well now im not. a hard snap of the rubber band quickly slaps you in the face to tell you this is not right this is not the love you live for and then here I am....

...to learn myself again... what a delight. how quickly we forget ones highest intelligence our souls desire...but this sombre lethargic energy of loss and longing forbodes my clarity. to be raw, to be real to be seen, 

i know i will be found again its the intention of the journey in the first place...but it must first be to purify my thoughts and to love thy self with compassion... 

great another year in india!! 

not sure...

sounds all to familiar especially if you are in my sphere of thoughts..especially recently. ha more than likely you are a derivative. a derivative of the sounds in mind that are incessantly here  to distract me from the truth of what needs to happen; would should or could. it doesnt matter anyways...im still not sure.

i want you, i dont, i love you but not sure, we can do this, no we cant, lets try again oh... we already have and look now... alone again, lost. another stupid argument! i did not get you, you did not get me this is not the way things are supposed to be. I wish could find the seamless connection with each other we both long for!! but ..... it keeps happening and hurts a little more each time. ouch! ...

my gee drug

you are my drug... we work then we need a fix, a fix that breaks us a little more as one as two we destroy a piece of ourselves each and every fix.

our worlds collided like a crash like something from the get go was never meant to be... we knew it from the start but we went against the grain and lied to our deepest darkest truth.

we stay together out of love but not the love that helps us grow

our destiny has run it course and now it rears the ugly...

your are not mine i am not yours we must find our souls desire... unconditional love to love with out conditions without the expectation of what might be acceptance of how things are at any given moment, to adjust accordingly. 

the irony of this is that... it was about 1 year ago since my last blog and my love and i had just found each other... like all good things... they seem to come to an end!