permeabLe BubBLe

Liz Smiz

I love that we never stop learning, changing and evolving. Well by choice this is! Whats really interesting, if you take the time to stop and have a "squiz", a little "looksie wooksie" if you will. To check in once in a while and observe the distance you have come. 

I was discussing with a friend today past situations that cause us pain and how at the time when they are happening and when we are so deep in it that we do not realise that these are lessons waiting to be realised. We know better deep down, but forget almost every time. So again the story goes like a pantomime,  to determine our credibility and hence worthiness to grow from these "lessons" it seems, lessons like to play fancy dress and camoflage themselves as pain, hurt, struggle, tears, and frustration only for us to later realise that this is a character building exercise for the mental elite. We must at various points in our life go through SHIT to guide us closer to our higher purpose. We are all here for a purpose and what that purpose is, is our own journey. To be created, coloured and decorated any way we like, our own huge piece of blank canvas.

As we learn, change and evolve the journey can catapult us in a totally different direction, often times we find our selves caught up in something and think holy cannoli, how did I get here?, or why is this happening to me?. 

We can often get stuck in a web of destructive thoughts that send us in to a downward spiralling vortex where by patience, self awareness and self acceptance, are the staple ingredients to understanding that we are only presented with each challenge when and only when we are ready to learn. Failing to realise this and choosing to wear the "I’m a victim" attitude t-shirt can't, won't and doesn't fly. It will only leave us feeling low, defeated, anxious, possibly depressive and soon enough faced with a similar situation yet again. So yes, discovering your purpose and over coming challenges can be difficult. But it is this in itself that is the essence to our self discovery. In other words, if life was a glorious bed of petunias, water Lily's and lotus flowers as lovely as it would look, it might become a little hard to maintain throughout the seasons. Its much more interesting to encounter challenges (grow other flowers) and know that no matter what you will make it out the other side. Having said that, it is also about training the mind and trusting that you are fully equipped with weapons and devices to do what’s right for you…and if you make an error i.e feel hurt, hurt someone else or do not achieve the desired outcome then it is up to you what you take from that lesson.

I know that this is easier said than done. Believe you, me, If anyone is, I am the master of $#@% ups and complicated situations, then I'm your girl. I often (always) act on impulse, and go with the flow (such is life) and wear my heart on my sleeve to my own benefit and detriment at the same time. 

When I reflect upon the last 2 years I feel as if I have been in intensive, rigorous resilience training and all of a sudden I am a conditioned mental athlete, agile, open minded and resilient and much lighter on life. 

If I was an object or could be the creator of an object I would be a translucent permeable bubble, indestructable like titanium (strong), light hearted, filled with helium (love) and my personal mantra is "what you see is what you get".

I've got it bad...

Ive got it bad. Desiring the unobtainable. Well not completely the unobtainable, but a good mental challenge. She is holding my attention, when ordinarily this is difficult to do. How do I ignore it when I so clearly want it and thus far the she has met me half way. The whole relationship thing is obviously the biggest challenge. Emotionally I want to just switch off and just hang with a friend, but it is not that easy when you get the signals. She is pure in her thoughts so I don’t think that she would cheat on her boy friend. But its the 'egoic' part of me that thinks she wants this just as much.

To be honest its starting to really do my head in that I am this attracted mentally and physically to someone again so soon. After one love leaving, having a mini affair with a close friend and now falling for someone so quickly 20 days before I leave, not cool. 

IF YOU READ THIS, YOU 'SHOULD' KNOW WHO YOU ARE! - tounge poke to you!

life is good

Being able to say that confidently and genuinely has taken some time. Pretty much 31, almost 32 years. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had a considerably easy life compared to those that grow up in war zones and complete poverty. But as a western woman born in a land of opportunity we sometimes forget how easy we do have it and how easy it is to create the life of our wildest dreams. The difference for us is that with all this opportunity, choice, status quo, competition, changes in communication, the ability to communicate more, learn more, do more. We also want more. Often failing to recognise and appreciate where we are and what we currently have.

For moi, the last 4 months has been about paying off debt, saving and staying focused on a particular goal. So less going out, less socialising, less spending on clothes and other consumables :). 

In doing this I have learnt to appreciate so much more. I blog often (free) allows me to empty my 'tangental' head. Meaning, I often speak at tangents when I tell a story. I move more (free) doesn't cost me a cent to run, do yoga, skip or swing kettle bells and club bells. Energy doesn't count as spending. Catching up with friends (free) having a coffee, going for a walk or having a mate over for a BBQ. 2 birds, one stone. Food and conversation. Yew!

Also, the biggest thing that gets your through, is of course achieving the end goal. In my case, 4 or so months overseas. Now I am on the home stretch. 25 days to go. Today is the first day of spring too, which brings with it allot more motivation.

The other funny thing that happens when your in a happy space is what you attract to your life. Now that I am leaving allot of opportunities seem to arise, awesome people come into your life, you attract new clients, you eat better, look better, feel better. I guess this is two fold. You attract what you send out. 92% of me is trying to stay, calm, focused and present, 6% of me is at Sydney International Terminal, 2% of me wants to seize all opportunities now. But another part of this is about exercising patience and allowing things to flow...