Frazzled

I left home 5 months ago certain of my goals and dreams. 5 months later I'm lying on a straw mat on an open field out the front of a Japanese festival called Shambala in the middle of north Thailand. Somewhere...

Slept well, amazing Japanese muesli for breakfast now just me a cup of coffee, a cigarette and my thoughts.

I'm neither here nor there in terms of my mood... Just lots of rolling though my mind.

My health energy and usual vitality is limited... By this i mean that energetically, mentally and physically, i am feeling far from my best. I know the exact reasons why but am for some reason resisting the acceptance of where i am at. Perhaps feeling overwhelmed with what i have to achieve and have therefore not being prioritising my health. It totally can and WILL be reversed. I am the first culprit of tomorrow-i-tis but come this Monday I am back at Muay Thai for a week and going hard. I am in serious need of an organic green cleanse so i can finally do my liver and gallstone cleanse. I'm pretty sure this is what my energy filter needs... A good clean out! To press the reset button!!

Writing helps me mentally to methodically sort through my thoughts and empty the contents of my relentless brain. I'm still looking for the discipline switch in which i need to replace as its been broken for a while.

Meeting the people i have met and seeing the places i have seen only makes me more driven to change, grow and evolve. No body is going to do this for me... We have one life... Why waste it in a negative state stuck in your thoughts, drowning in emotion and practicing procrastination.

My struggle is the practice of patience, self defeating expectations and ... But I endeavour to continue on this journey and see what life brings...

Taw Wua Forest Monastery

The most peaceful place in North Thailand!

Tam Wua Forest Monastery - Vipassana Meditation

If you want some clarity, some 'mind' space, serenity and peace (inside and out) then get your self here!

There is not a whole lot on the web about it, well, nothing official anyway. There is a self made unofficial Russian website, with not allot of useful info but there are quite a few travel blogs about it.

Tam Wua 

If I wasn't so lazy I would write more about directions etc. But half the fun about traveling off the beaten track is always the "JOURNEY".

It's not in any guide book or travelers bible (thank god) because this little gem is definitely something like minded souls discover and are drawn to if that is your path.

What Happens Here:
In a nutshell...
6:45am Wake up (though you are supposed to wake up at 5am for a self meditation) But I preferred the sleeping one!
7:00am Monk Rice offering
7:15am Breakfast (vegetables, rice, rice porridge)
8:00am Walking Meditation
9:00am Sitting and Lying Meditation
10:30am Monk offering
11:00am Lunch - Always soooooo yum and hard not to over eat, as you know that you will not be eating till breakfast tomorrow morning. But there is unlimited hot chocolate, coffee and tea.
1:00-3:00pm Meditation (walking, sitting, lying)
Free Time 
4:00pm Karma Yoga - SWEEPING leaves
6:00-8:00pm Chanting (in Thai??) and Sitting Meditation
10:00pm Lights out

Its not by any means a hard schedule to follow. For me, it was just adjusting to no dinner and what felt like a day without food.

I'm not sure how it would be if you have never meditated before and there is not allot of guidance as the monk, though he speaks English, is quite random in his insights. Very cute and fun!

All in all, the experience is definitely something that I would re-live again and again.

Directions:

Depending on how you like to travel. There are a couple of ways, you could get to from CM to Pai.

Ask for the AYA bus station and Catch the 3hr bus to Pai. The bus will drop you on the main walking st at the AYA office. From the main walking st you will also find the local bus stand. You could take a local bus for 50B and just let the driver know you are going to Tam Wua. They are all pretty familiar with this. Tam Wua is about 1.5-2 hrs from Pai on the the way to Mae hon Song. When you get off the bus, you will see the monastery sign and you walk down the road for about 1.5km and there you will see the stunning monastery.

OR

you could take a cheap flight from CNX to Mae hong song and again take the local bus heading toward Pai. This bus journey is shorter.

But, if you have never been to Pai, I highly recommend it, stay at least a night and take the morning bus to Tam Wua.

I hope that makes sense.

cakE

Chocolate Cheesecake - My Favourite.

Random Cake Facts

• Can you believe as a young kid, I didn't eat cake!
• Until I was 21 I never knew what having your cake and eating it too, meant?
• I don't eat cake nearly enough. 
• Cake makes you smile
• Today I ate a banana cake with chocolate icing on top, yep, with thick fat scrum-didly-umptious icing on top. (Though I Forgot to take a picture)
•  My favourite cake is most definitely a well made chocolate cheese cake with a crumbly biscuit base.

If only I could get my head right. Well its not completely wrong, but its not completely right either. At the moment, day to day is far and few between the rattling noises in my head. An idea, an emotion, a fear, a thrill, a positive surge. Its definitely never boring in here!

A few people I have met along the way on this journey have also made it clear that I am not totally insane. Well not yet anyway! What is common...is that we are all in search of something. To everyone of us, ultimate happiness means something different. To many of us, ultimate happiness is something we already have, To many others, we haven't even thought about it.

Traveling when I was younger was much different. I guess part of the reason I am still here in Thailand is that my travels when I was 23, my first time to Thailand, inspired something inside me, thats for sure. Opportunities that resonate with core beliefs, a slower pace of life (awesome!), appreciating another culture (though my Thai is shit), and of course the welcomed challenge of settling and adapting into a new way of life.

All of them are definitely my favourite ingredients;

• Travel
• Change
• Adventure
• New Experiences
• ....the unexpected

its definitely not for everybody, and at times I wish I could eat, satisfaction, contentment, stability and certainty...but the palette, MY PALETTE is insatiable. Just like chocolate cheesecake, you can't find it everywhere. So till then, I will keep searching for the cake and when I find it, I will savour it, put it in the fridge, admire it and eat it mindfully appreciating every bite and not feel guilty about it.

Metaphorically...I will enjoy the journey.

Actually wait....the chocolate cheesecake is the journey! hmmmm fuck it! Too confusing to argue my own argument. Maybe I will just learn how to make the most amazing chocolate cheesecake. Then I'll be winning! But I kinda am winning already....fuck it! I'm not in the mood to argue.

Checking into a 10 day Vipassana tomorrow somewhere between Pai and Mae Hong Son. I will have all the time in the world to argue with me then. See ya in 10 days...