No time or Too much time...

It seems that living on an island time evaporates like the tide! The days fly by and when you only do bits and pieces of work each day starts to feel the same. Mostly like a Sunday. Everything moves slower, time constraints are non existent and an afternoon siesta is simply part of the daily routine.

You only have time and time alone...alone as in only and also time on your own.

You can do as much or as little as you need...and with time as your only asset, it seems that the side effect strangely enough is the "losing track of the days", or feeling that the days come and go.

Whilst being on an island sounds magical it seems to have the unintentional implication of making you a bit lazy. No deadlines, no pressure, no push no shove.

Who thought I would be saying this out loud let alone on a blog available for the whole world to see.

I know that drive comes from with in (knowing clearly in your mind your purpose and of course your highest values). Unfortunately we are mostly motivated by the fear of something happening if we don't do something or the fear that if we do something x or y will happen. While this may be the case, it is also the necessary evil in order for us to keep pushing and striving in order to learn more about ourselves, why we are here and what keeps that flame inside humbly flickering.

To have no challenges, no distractions, no conflicts, irregular human interaction would be the end of our everyday suffering but the beginning of a life half lived. Having said this bold statement - out loud once again - it can therefore be said that in order to find balance we must grow spiritually in order to determine our balance in order to find inner peace and harmony with our place in the world.

Allot more can definitely be said for the pros and cons of living in a busy city or on a small island...perhaps experiencing both can help you see a little more clearly why in either situation getting to know your self is the most important seed we need sow and grow. So irrespective of logistics we remain grounded and true to our inner nature.

While some may thrive on hectic schedules and deadlines, others may crumble and vice versa. Leaving people to their own devices and running to their own schedule and timeline may result in a life of unfulfilled possibilities.

Our journey is our own expression of what is.

Who am I? and Why am I here?...

I am feeling a deep sense of confusion about what is really going on inside me at the moment. It seems that two voices of the true me and 'social', 'false' me (who I thought I was) have collided. They can no longer hide from each other.

It is the time of confrontation. Deciphering years of bullshit ego and reflecting upon mistakes or decisions that have led me to the point of where I am right now.

By no means can I complain about my external world right now. I'm in a secluded bungalow with beach, rocks and the sound of waves crashing all day. What more could you want right? The external certainly does not feel like the problem. I could say here that environmental and logistical conditions and finally acheived perfection. So why the inner discontent?...


Who am I? and Why am I here?...

Great, seems like the old adage of "back to the drawing board". I could say here, that 10 years ago I was less tainted by life or I could say that I now sit here 10 years wiser. I'm not sure which is the more glorious. Surely the latter would enable us to make decisions with clarity and expertise. But its not an expert that we need here is it. Apparently its reconnecting to the less tainted self and view of life and being guided to the innate wisdom within that has and always will be there.

I am tired of running, I am tired of playing ignorant, I am tired of trying to be someone who perhaps never really was me. Right now I have no answers, as everything I seem to do no longer has an impact on my sense of self. The words null and void spring to mind when I think of these feelings. I now this is not permanent and it will only be a matter of time before something shifts and I am guided.

Perhaps this is exactly what it is.

My opportunity to be raw, vulnerable, null and let whatever is happening inside to take place with out judgement and just be with it.

Island Inspiration

It's so amazing to come out the other side of 'change'. Most of us fear change and entering the unknown.

I now sit writing this post overlooking the ocean from my Bungalow porch in Koh Phangan. I am on the west side of the island away from the hustle and bustle of young travelers getting their first taste of full moon party. Good for them, this is how we let off steam when we're young, or fall in love with traveling and of course the Kingdom of Thailand. An easy country to travel that continues to bring in tourists from all over in search of fun and of course the sun.

View from my Bungalow, where I sit when I write!

Who knows, perhaps 10 years later they too will choose a life of travel and come back to Koh Phangan and settle here for the reasons I have, in search of something different. Some Island inspiration to get the creative juices flowing, or to live simply and enjoy the simpler things in life that we often do not when we live in a busy city.

I have finally made the much anticipated move from Chiang Mai to Kho Phangan. It was a decision that if I look back was made 3 months ago, but as with most things in life, things take time and when you can see the light in being in both places it is hard to come to that final decision.

The realisation and finally the decision to make the move was that, the question perhaps would not have arisen if it was not innately what I wanted to do. Firstly I had to ask myself if I was running away from something?

I understand the real nature of change, and that is in this life, "change is the only constant". But in this inevitability there is something to be said for change that we create out of discontent or change that is inspired by a new beginning that comes from our highest values.

How to distinguish: The answer is simple. Tune in, and ask your self..."what is it that drives you"? "What gets you out of bed in the morning"?.

Sometimes we get caught in the trap of changing things for the sake of changing things in order to distract ourselves from what really needs to be changed...and what is this? 

a) Sometimes nothing in our external world - perhaps just the way we look at it. We often get so caught up in striving and wanting more that we regrettably do not appreciate what we already have.

b) listening to our true or essential self - if we are constantly changing things to busy or selves up perhaps this is a sign that our true self is not happy with the way things are. We must reconnect with innate wisdom and re-discover our truth, what makes us tick, like I said earlier; find out what gets us out of bed.