Ashtanga Journey begins...Australia Day 2014

Stepping on to the mat for the first time in a mysore style shala in urban sydney was more than it cracked up to be...I had heard about this place a year ago via a yogini i met on teacher training. My intention was to one day visit this place. But like all things we get there in the end if it is meant for us.

12 months later I meet a teachers assistant, Ben. He also practices at this mysore style shala and suggested I come with him. again and again until finally I said ok.

Cutting the blog short.

Eileen Hall, places me right at the front of the shala and practice commences. I go with the flow, ask no questions, move with grace and breathe whilst listening to her few, but clear instructions.

I spend barely hour on the mat and am sent to the back of the room for savasana....yes! it was the perfect amount for day 1.

I leave feeling, clear, overwhelmed by what I saw from other practitioners but the level of dedication and discipline that a yogi lives by.

I have never been so passionate about something in my whole life. This is my path.

2014

not quite sure how to set the tone for this post...many times I come into the New Year with a warrior attitude ready to kick and smash goals...not saying that this year I am less motivated or don't have any goals...I am just feeling a little...indifferent, overwhelmed, expectation-less if you can even use it in such a way...

When I was on a high yesterday and a few days before that at a friends little house party, I thought to my self while looking over the city lights...what do you want? what makes you happy? the same questions that tick over and over in peoples minds quite possibly on a minute to minute basis every where, all the time, through out the universe.

While I was in this state, I did think, I am nor excited nor fearful of the future and what lies ahead in 2014...I suppose this is probably a good thing considering that life is about going with the flow...

So I thought whilst I am in this scatty headspace (new years day party) I would exercise my little brain muscle and ask it some striking life like questions...(bad idea, im sure...) but sometimes...the most insight.

love, friends and relationships...keep company with good peeps.
love is free
study...love learning...
work + save
holiday in June and Dec.

simple really.

thats all.

best wishes to me in 2014 xo

fear of love

in trying to tune out of the thinking and tune into the feeling of what is going on here, higher wisdom tells me to let go and go with the feelings that exist in the moment.

the impatient part of my childish self says, i wanna hang out more, but im scared of what i will do, of what i will say of what will come up.

Vulnerability is most certainly not my strength! Being open...TRULY open is not something i have allowed my self to do or 'be', in a fucking very long time. Even thinking about it right now, brings that emotional knotty feeling to my throat.

OMG..even receiving a text from her, gives me a feeling i am not sure I have had before. Its like a combination of fear and excitement. I want to know more, but I am scared to reveal. I didn't know this stuff was here until I have met her! I want to let so much out, but  I hold so much back and catch my self from saying silly things, just incase. 

Incase of what? fuck knows what!?! 

I am frustrated with the frustration! 

If I could know whats going on up there, I would hypothesis that my ego has grown a little or allot to try and protect me. It doesn't not want to be seen or threatened by a mirror that reflects me! I am scared of her liking me and feeling the same way as much as I am of her saying lets be friends. (no pun intended). There is most definitely nothing wrong with being friends. But at this stage I have no fukkin idea, what the kuff.

This ambiguous feeling is the feeling that lives and dies first so the longer it lasts the longer it excites me...on that little chestnut of wisdom I am gonna exit on a positive note and leave it at that! Nite xx World. 

DreamCreateBreathe