Sivananda TTC Week 2

Done! Friday the 21st OCt, our 2nd day off!! So excited. A group of us went to kanan foods. The only sit in restaurant in virindavan. Veg pizza Indian style. Pretty tasty after rice, dhal, spinach, and other blended foods. Regular Bowel movements have become a some what a distant memory and require laxatives for release. Sorry about the details. But not much else by way of normal life goes on here...

Though am really getting into the course and cherishing every moment. I longed for this so much and not putting my soul in it would only fill me with regret and typical human conditioning of wishing time away or to speed up.

Being in an environment such as this, ie. Embracing the present forces you to actually be still and embrace the feelings of discontent, uncertainty and change. Being witness to yourself and observing how you react, feel and behave when confronted with discipline. For me... Discipline is a mere concept to which I retaliate like a 15 year old. But 17 years on feelings are the same but my ability to recognize has taken much cultivation!

Hahahha just re-read this and am starting to sound like a total hippy. But I'm cool with that...

.... Some of the things that have passed through my brain this week are mostly about where I want to reside. As sydney will always be my home and my heart I feel that I am totally ready for something new, different and challenging (in a good way, like learning a 2nd language would be amazing). A non English speaking country would be preferable but which continent remains the question. Once you leave your bubble and explore the possibilities the world truly become s your oyster.

Sivananda TTC Week 1

Sitting in what appears to be my favorite "get out ashram for two hours" cafe. I need some alone time today. Sticking to this schedule is actually driving me mental. I enjoyed this mornings chant and yoga class but I know me! Alone time is much appreciated. I'm not sure what my thoughts are as there are so many that come up. All I know right now is that after completion of this course I will be free to travel and do the things I want to do and see what I want see. Not to say that I won't and don't appreciate this experience, I do. But when your going through the motions of it it can be a little rough. But I love that I am here and not at home.I'm actually Not missing it a single bit. Thoughts of staying over here are all coming back. If not India, then perhaps the idea of training in Thailand and then heading south to work and live on an island. I'm gonna go for it. It has been in my thoughts for long enough, which makes me think that it's right for me. The only obstacles to overcome is the visa and legal requirements to work. It's been done before so I may as well give it a shot and deal with the obstacles as and when they arise :)

Wow, interesting to even re-read this briefly as I'm posting it. Head space has changed. See next post...

Me being extremely attentive during chanting!

Karma Yoga

I'm not too sure if I like my karma yoga or not. Though it is easy and does not require me to work it interferes with my free time which is already limited and restricted to leaving the ashram for only 2hrs per day. Which if u compare this to the amount of time we do satsang is also 2 hrs!!

I feeling very pissed off and frustrated right about now. I am wide awake and the lights are out. I want a cigarette and it is not possible because it is against ashram rules. I want to eat and drink coffee right now and it too is against ashram rules. I totally feel that I am being resistant to what opportunity lay before me but I guess I will learn more about these little erks that piss me off so badly right now.

Having to stick to such a routine schedule is simply just going to make me feel stuck. Right now I am having trouble seeing the insight in this lesson so will probably continue to bitch and wine until I do. I'm sure it will be an amazing self discovery but until then hear me roar!!

PS. I'm two weeks in and have swapped Karma Yoga. Im not sure if this is good Karma or not. Yet to be determined!

Satsang Part 1

10th Oct 2011
I chose to skip satsung tonight. 

Well I chose to because I'm not a big fan of chanting and worship. I feel that my presence and attending of this course is me showing my respect and belief in something above myself. I do not want to sound arrogant and therefore ignorant but in keeping an open mind to the teachings and practice of Indian tradition by way of spiritual practice I feel that the chanting twice per day is a little too much for me. I will continue to attend all sessions to show that I am not just being a stubborn Liz smiz westerner that is not prepared to change her ways and adapt, I will try the chanting when I am ready but I am really struggling to believe in it.

Thank goodness for a "notes pad" on the iPhone. Without it writing in the middle of the morning would he impossible...

So I'm a week in and it 4.35 am on 16 oct 2011... :-)We have to be waking up soon for satsang. I skipped it again last night because twice a day feels like a little too much. I'm sure this is lots of ego consciousness supporting my initial and ever so valid belief that was chanting super mantras Hare Krishna style was not for me. Now considering I am a super stubborn mutha so and so at the best of times when it comes to jamming religion and belief systems down ones throat. Having me attend twice a day  and then asking me to sing about it is just not going to happen.... What did I do instead... Well couldn't get myself off because I also have 7 room mates! All lovely and wonderful but nevertheless, privacy is not going to be part of my ashram experience :) inner stillness and peace is the selected out come here. So mind fucking myself or having wild and illustrious fantasies about a desirable female... I read shantaram. 

A book that once you pick it up is so hard to put down.  But with our militant schedule I barely have time to pick it up. So skipping satsang seemed like the only valid reason or means to enable me to pick up this epic tale of a novel.

unComfortably NUMB!!!

My head is spinning around and around and it's even actually pounding!! I'm not sure if it cigarette withdrawals, coffee withdrawals or sugar withdrawls... or perhaps the liver damaged I caused in London or maybe even my western comforts (though I have my mac book with). Knowing me, my vices and my behaviour up until yesterday, it would would probably be all of the above in equal magnitudes. Although I am here (India) by choice and for the greater good of my being. In the last 48 hours I have really struggled with finding a positive head space. I'm not sure if it's specific to me but perhaps minus chanting, I would be sweet. I just want to do yoga!! and deepen my practice!! 'says my narrow ignorant mind' while the enlightened part of me says "this is yoga". Taking all of it for what it is and embracing it, making no judgement, knowing that you can take it or leave it at the end...

.... Well fact of the matter is, I'm having trouble sitting still. Everything hurts, aches and goes numb. So I need to lay, twist, spread, stretch, and massage myself to comfort for another 20 minute meditation, in which all I spend time is blocking out 3-4 dogs barking, people coughing, sniffling and also moving restlessly...at this stage meditation to no avail... Then we chant, then my mind wonders...then I want to leave...

Mind the GaP

Please...Mind the Gap

The London underground at most times of day is always an interesting experience. You really and truly do see all sorts of people from all walks of life. The awkward part about most journeys is that unlike trains at home (looking at the back of someones head) on the underground the seats face each other in a minute distance of less than a meter. So trying not to stare and definitely not getting busted when finding intrigue can often be difficult. So many people, including me wear their sunglasses on the tube and I'm sure its for this reason. It's easier to stare and harder to get caught.

one door closes and another door opens

"Oh blog, how it feels like an eternity since I last layed my eyes on you and had words with you..."

You quickly realise that access to the Internet is a commodity when your in a tiny little city 4 hours out of Delhi... so the next few posts I will have piece together as best I can as I have still been writing but just as random notes on my iPhone...

Below are a few blogs I wrote while still in London...(remember...unedited means, that I have not re-read allot of these, so pardon me for the slightly embarrassing grammar)...

LONDON

This god for 'saken' town. Love to love it, love to hate it but hate that love it so much!!

Within 2 days of being here the tube map, it's connections and change overs are back in my head and I'm walking the streets like an A-Z or as one would say "a proper Londoner innit"! It really does feel like my home away from home. Being here after 4.5 years since returning to Sydney is probably the perfect amount of time as I am less attached to the desire to stay here. I did love living here and I could easily see myself living there again. But the calmer part of me can also see that being in a fast pace city again is something I would mentally have to prepare for or even avoid if I am to find my true balance. Walking along oxford st and going out in Soho last night reminded me how intense this city can actually be. Millions of people from all over the world co-existing in one city all striving to succeed, to become something, thriving for the same energy to become financially independent, to achieve their purpose, or even find their purpose, wanting something different from their life. This is the buzz that is London. This energy is possibly what makes it one of the best cities in world. It is nice to have lived it and experienced it, but for now, its an amazing place to visit. I have wanted to move back so many times since I moved back to Sydney but it was this trip that allowed me to close this door in my mind and realise that living in London again at this stage in my life would be a novelty that would wear off very quickly.

So the new door that is to open is my travels through India...

48 hours in Delhi...

All I can do is giggle at what a foreigner I am or what I may be perceived as being. My walk, my talk, my dress, my mannerisms, my camera…need I say more. I often wonder what runs through a persons mind when they see me. Am I acting too butch, too foreign, too vulnerable, too sexy, too not sexy, a target? I have no idea, it doesn’t bother me but I would like to hear their internal dialouge when they stare at me.

I got over the staring when I was in SE Asia, scary men, kind of sexy men, sleezy men all at which that take an interest in a foreign women and show this by staring do not bother me at all…here in Delhi, every time I have talked to them, they are pretty harmless and try to charm me and ask me out. I try not to laugh and just brush it off by changing the topic but I do admire their confidence and upfront’ness’. We could all learn something from this approach. If you like something go after it.

Yesterday upon arrival into Delhi at 4am I went straight to my hotel “Hotel Chand Palace” great little hotel, pretty much in the middle of ‘New Delhi’. I slept till 1.30pm in the afternoon and started my day relatively late by travelling standards, but was still willing to go and check a few things out. I hired a driver who took me to a few sights, but I was just so tired that I got home about 6pm, slept a little more, woke up by 9pm went for a walk and check out the streets at night. As I was alone and not too familiar with pretty anything I came back to hotel and slept again and decided to start my day early…

So this morning at about 9am I set off. I had my first rickshaw experience which I must confess was no where near as scary as what I have heard. Again, I think SE Asia has softened me which means not allot puts me on edge. I got dropped off at ‘Connaught Place’ (tourist shopping area) which was closed. So I walked around looking for a coffee place and started talking to this 23 year old local Delhi Boy, who has since become my ‘Delhi Angel’. Anil, gave me an amazing local tour of New Delhi, Temples, Markets, Food, he even took me to a great tailor to get some ‘Ali Baba, yoga style pants tailored’. Get this, 3 pairs, made to measure, delivered to my hotel all for $70 AUD. He even helped me organise a Sim card, which may not seem like a big deal, but is actually not as easy as the UK where I just slipped in 20 quid to a vending machine at the airport and boom!...

Tonight, I’m taking it easy, packing and getting set for my yoga journey. I still can’t believe I am actually here in India and all is soon to unfold!

...in transit

Just got off my LHR to AUH (Abu Dhabi) flight. Pretty easy flight 6.5 hours and talked to the girl next to me most of the way. Though am right into my book 'Shantaram'. After we made conversation and kept talking for an hour, I kinda felt akward about opening the book up to continue reading.

Unusually... I don't have allot to say except, I thought I would write a little blog about nothing, just to use free wifi in Abu Dhabi and plot my location so I look really cool.

London was amazing,I ate lots, drank lots and caught up with loads of people. The time went oh so quickly, but my mind and body are ready to be immersed into my Yoga Teacher Training. While being present and allowing my self the freedom to do as I please, I continue to wonder how people who live a toxic lifestyle survive. I know it was only a week, and I'm not regretting a single thing...but omg. I was kinda feeling lethargic and tired all the time. Though it could of been the late nights with my bestie, up till 2am on the vino and up at the crack of dawn because we're both mental PT's. 

In 5 hrs from now, I will be on the Indian subcontinent! holy shit!