living with presence

Its so easy to get caught up in your thoughts and all the trivialities of life. Where you have to be, who you have meet, what you have to do, how you could of done something differently, why you didn't do this instead of that, the list goes on and on and on.

Since I started my travels in September last year and have since settled in Thailand...I was always in that mind space of, I need to do this, how can I do that if I do this blah blah blah. This caused me nothing but that feeling of loneliness, anxiety and of course frustration. With the world and with my self.

It wasn't until I stepped back and took a look at the bigger picture and looked at the facts. The facts were actually allot more promising than my internal monologue (the way I speak to myself). Nothing on this journey has indicated that my decisions and actions have been incorrect. Are they ever really incorrect? or is just a false perception of our own reality and purpose that leads us into believing we are not on the right path. Either way, everything has happened the way it should of happened and had to happen in order for me to reach this conclusion.

I am the person that wants everything to happen, last week. I dream of something and expect to wake up the next morning to find it there. But this journey is ongoing, presenting to us what we need to learn, when we need to learn it. No card we are dealt (no matter how shitty it is) is anything we can't play. We may have to, come up with another strategy or take a moment to evaluate the consequences, but trusting that the right out come will arise is trusting and believing in our own innate abilities. Knowing this through the ups and downs of our 'alternate head space days' is learning to live with the presence that always is.

Right now, in this moment, as I push these little letters on the keyboard to create words one by one to construct a post explaining the way I feel right now, I can now see how having patience and riding the incredible roller coaster of life is life. I am where I am because I am supposed to be.  Finally!