Matrimandir - The soul of the city!

You have to check this out...weather you meditate or not!


Matrimandir, Auroville

If I had to choose one word to describe this place...Stunning!

If I had to choose two words to describe this place...Fucking Amazing!

This is really the heart of Auroville or as they say on the web, the soul of Auroville. We visited there today and were able to go in to the inner chamber of this sphere. What was so amazing, is the fact that the vision, created by the mother in the late 60's was only completed in 2008 with works in the garden continuing still as part of the 'Mothers' vision.

Using the words, Mother, Vision, Meditate would almost make this place sound like a temple...So NOT! Thats what I think was so amazing! I've been in India for a wee while now (3 months), so it was imperative to the success of my visit today that this place need not be another temple. No disrespect to religious houses, shrines and temples everywhere, but after a while you develop the attitude..."you've seen 20, you've seen them all".

The purpose of the Matrimandir is not worship or praise a higher source, it is to improves ones focus and concentration. How cool is that!...

When you enter, after a lengthy intro and procedure to familiarise everyone with what needs to happen upon entering, you enter this room like you would never believe. My first impression was how the hell could a vision from the 60's envision something of this calibre. Its so state of the art its, like I said, Fucking amazing. Words and analogies that come to mind, George Jetson, The future, Space age. Yet nothing like it! One would have to see for themselves what goes on inside, and unfortunately no cameras allowed.

The carpet and walls are white, so you are asked to put on white socks that they provide, the are ramps that wrap and incline around the inside, bring you to the top of sphere, where you enter a room filled with pillars. In the centre of the room is the most amazing sphere placed upon a gold stand that filters light from the very apex of the sphere right through the sphere in the meditation room all the way out of the sphere.....

omg....will have to re-write this description as Im struggling to find the words to describe it. My bad...

Christmas in Auroville...

So nice to have spent a Christmas without all the fuss. Too often we spend time and money buy presents, worrying about what to get someone, how much to spend on them, will they like it? If I get her a present, then I will have to get him a present. What a load of shit!

Whats nice about Christmas for me, is the time I spend hanging out with friends and family. This year I missed out on it, which did my head in a little bit, but knowing and appreciating where I am right now, is also very cool. My Christmas was spent with my two favourite Spanish girls and the hottest father and son duo ever. Not often would you say... ummmmm, hmmmmmm, ummmmmm aha. LOL!

As Auroville is an alcohol free community, one of the gals had to trek for a few K's on a shitty mope head out of Auroville only to find a Goan, red port wine. It tasted like shit, so everyone but me drunk it. I chose porros instead....

Bit of a boring blog, my writing head is not on.

Auroville India, The Human Adventure

I've ended up in a place called Auroville... It's in the very south of India on the East Coast in the State of Tamil Nadu.

I had never heard of this place before, but 2 Spanish girls I met in Yoga Teacher Training  were traveling in that direction. So, I decided to leave my favourite German in Goa and head east to Auroville.

Auroville is a pretty interesting little community that started in the late 60's with a vision to create unity for mankind. So going to there to experience what it was all about was nothing but interesting.

Wikipedia explains the history way better than I do, so here is a copy and paste.

The history of Auroville begins, 'officially' that is, from February 28th 1968. The Mother broadcasts a speech, actually an invitation to "all people of goodwill". That marks the launching of Auroville, which, everything said and done, is a 'project' and an 'experiment' in Human Unity. It may also be said that Auroville is a  laboratory for the growth of consciousness and thereby hastening the evolution upon earth in the light of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

Mother approved following short text,  written in 1969,  which sheds much light on the purpose and background of Auroville.

"The task of giving a concrete form to Sri Aurobindo's vision was entrusted to the Mother. The creation of  a new world, a new humanity, a new society expressing and embodying the new consciousness is the work she has undertaken. By the very nature of things, it is a collective ideal that calls for a collective effort so that it may be realised in the terms of an integral human perfection.

The Ashram founded and build by the Mother was the first step towards the accomplishment of this goal. The project of Auroville is the next step, more exterior, which seeks to widen the base of this attempt to establish harmony between soul and body, spirit and nature, heaven and earth, in the collective life of mankind."

http://wiki.auroville.org.in/wiki/History_of_Auroville

las espanoles son mas divertidas

Mas Divertads

Sitting on the balcony of a little hut in Palolem, Goa, with some beautiful, amazing spanish chicas that I met in the Ashram. We bumped into each other in Bikaner, had dinner, laughed and exchanged travel details and digits and said 'hopefully we can catch up in the south'... and sure enough 2 weeks later. Here we are hanging out for 2 days in Palolem. Still sitting on the balcony doing nada, porros, stretching, facebook, henna, porros, music, porros, laughing, and more porros, and more laughing uncontrollably.

10 days to Christmas

Can't believe its almost Christmas. It sure doesn't feel like it. How time flies even faster when you travel.

I am currently alone in north Goa. A place called Arambol. I split with my travel buddy by accident this morning as our communication devices failed us. She, out of battery and me, out of phone credit. So...She is in the sth and I am in the nth. Not so bad, as time alone was the purpose of the journey and its always nice to sit with your self.

For the last couple of days I have been missing home. Checking facebook is not so fun as I do love an Aussie Christmas! We really do have it good down there. I mean, I know Goa is warm but the few things missing are the special peeps in my life to celebrate it with. But you can't have it all...

elephant in goa...

So, I finally made it to Goa. Yay me! After eating my way through north India and having done nil to no exercise since leaving the Ashram, unless you count sight seeing... (hmmmmm what would I say to a client?...."That doesn't count as exercise")! Anyways, now I am in 400 degree heat and have to get my kit off. Fuck that I say.... so tomorrow morning, secret training starts. LOL 6am beach runs followed by a swim and then the "starvation" diet NEEDs to begin! yep, that's my professional opinion.

Though as I am a true professional, I will call this morning cardio fat burn, followed with fasting. Though, come to think of it and being more realistic (surrounded by juice bars and smoothies stores every where) I will probably be on a juice fast.

If you don't hear from me...I would have died of starvation...but location "Goa" is not such a bad way to say good bye to the world.

Namaskar!

Do I have shit on my face!...

I must do.... either that or 3 heads...

ahhh damn, my ignorance is showing as in the final leg of Rajasthan my patience has expired. So tomorrow...we head to Mumbai to commence what will hopefully be a different flavour of India. Excuse the ignorance and negativity today, but after a fascinating experience with consumption of curd and a day in bed I feel that it is within my human rights to have a "bitch" day!

Curd in India

Note to self: Don't continue to eat curd if its warm. Especially in Ranthambore India. It is not a good decision...

Tushita Meditation

If you want an experience of a life time. Head to Mcleod Ganj, India Immediately!! Forget all the psychologists and counseling. I promise. Study Buddhist philosophy and it will change your life.

I just spent the most amazing week in Tushita Meditation Centre located in whats referred to as the "Baby Himalayas". Walking distance from Mcleod Ganj city centre. Mountains, clean fresh air, rich with spirituality and culture and "momos" (Tibetan Dumplings)!. A slice of heaven I tell ya's!.. oh yeah...Tushita. So Tushita runs introduction to Buddhism week long courses in (supposed) silence. The Nun (Female Buddhist Monk) who was conducting the course was Venerable Robina.... (You Tube and Google her, so worth it). To my surprise she was Aussie! oi oi oi!...which of course was amazing as not only have I not heard an Austrayan accent for 2 months I have never sat still for so long and not fallen asleep. This to me is a KPI. Key Performance Indicator. She had my undivided attention for 6 days straight.

I would love to reiterate everything I learnt there...but in sum, I will just say this "simple guidelines to live by" and if you want true peace and freedom....start with your own mind.

a different world

I'm sitting at a chai stand waiting for a friend to arrive from Delhi. Just off the main square there is an old man that 'literally' peeps out of a hole in the wall. He makes a delightful chai tea and some simple boiled eggs.

Approximately two minutes ago a little girl I have seen for the past 3 morning arrives with her grandmother and a man who could be her father who carries her box of fresh Tibetan bread. It's 5.43am in the morning and this little girls sits here to sell the fresh Tibetan bread to passers by. Right now there is not so many people walking by so she talks from her little seat to this old man and a customer from the chai stand about, only they know what, but I'm guessing it was to use the old mans broom to clean her little space, he offers her water to wash her hands. She sits patiently with her father and grandmother.

This place really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Did this little girl stay up late last night or wake up early this morning to make the bread to sit here in fairly chilly weather to make a small income for her own pocket money or for her family. Again, only they will know. Only I can draw conclusions.

She natters away in the softest little voice, that eludes to a stranger like me, innocence, youthful wisdom and independence. I would love to talk to her in Tibetan... But I might try with English. :)

Maybe if I had tried Nepalese. She wasn't Tibetan at all. Selling the Tibetan bread threw me. She spoke very little English but understood the basics, how old are you? do you have brothers and sisters? Etc.

So how her story goes. She wakes up at 1am to make 160 pieces of the freshest Tibetan sweet bread ever with her mother and father to sit here for almost 3 hours before she heads to school at 8am. She sells it for 6 Rupees per piece. I pay her 60 rupees every time because she is a sweet kid earning an honest living and she wouldn't be sitting there if she didn't need to. She has 2 sisters 1 is 15 and the other is 5 and two brothers 1 that is 2 and the other I'm not sure I missed his age.

Can you believe it. This little Nepalese angel sits here selling bread for 3 hours before she goes to school.

At 12 years old, I was dragging my self out of bed at 7 in the morning in my perfectly ironed uniform to catch the bus and hang out with friends at the train station before school and maybe grabbing a McDonald's hash brown and an OJ before sitting in an all girls catholic school receiving a high quality education... Again, It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Not with pity, or guilt but with a sudden urge to selflessly serve and perhaps teach English to young children of the world. Educate them in real world survival, something they can use to apply to their own life and perhaps one day run their own business and travel the world and consider themselves lucky and pass on their knowledge and so the process continues.

Soham...i am that i am that i am that i am...

Soham

My own personal and officially initiated mantra by Swami Durgananda on Friday 4th of November 2011.

I chose 'soham' as my mantra, as it is correlates with a word that I stumbled across earlier this year and resonated with instantly. So much so that I had it tattooed on my right forearm in Sanskrit "tatvamasi" so that I never forget...  (see my tatvamasi post)

Soham and tatvamasi mean exactly the same thing, though the biggest difference being, soham has a sound vibration which represents the inhalation and exhalation of breathe to which one can use to meditate and when repeated, soham soham soham... translates to "I am that I am that I am that I am..." Tatvamasi on the other hand is used more in a philosophical context, it is derived from vedic philosophy and translates to "thou are that" or "i am that".

To be completely honest, I had never heard of 'soham' until this month. I was familiar with 'hamsa'  which is same, same but slightly different. It is actually the same sound vibration as 'soham' but in reverse. Let me explain... with 'soham', on the inhalation you say soooooo and on the exhalation you say hummmmm. and with 'hamsa' on the inhalation you say hummmmm and on the exhalation you say saaaa.

Sounds a little complicated but if your like me and fairly new to mantras, its best to keep your mantra the same and keep it simple. Find a mantra that you like the sound of (there are hundreds, if not thousands' and repeat it in your mind while taking your 20 minutes of silent meditation. If your mind wonders, just keep repeating the mantra in your head and focus on the space between your eyes. The Ajna chakra. Though the Bija mantra for this chakra is om (aum) it is a nice simple method for keeping focus and bring your mind to silence.

Mc Leod Ganj

View From My Room - Annex Hotel

11th Nov Post

So I have finally found a little slice of heaven. It may be too soon to say this on my journey through India, but I’m saying it anyway. Do you know what it feels like to arrive in a place and somehow magically feel connected to it?... I'm not sure how just yet, but I love the energy and peace that I instantly felt upon arrival.

A few things have been scrolling through my mind today, none of which has been productive but nevertheless they are there on repetition. 1. Traveling on my own, 2. Give up smoking, 3. Eat better for energy and mental clarity.

To expand on each of these…Traveling on my own, making my own decisions and running to my own schedule. Vital for my own personal exploration, space and growth. To be putting your actual needs second just to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. Not part of the plan. But I also feel that I need to endure it so as to observe my thoughts and actions in these situations. I definitely do not like what is coming up (in terms of thoughts and frustration) and so remaining humble and composed is challenging. How I see it…A multi-dimensional situation that can be looked at many ways, though I may be over complicating it by simply not being straight up. Probably the case! How to manage it? Patience and / or honesty. What a choice!?

Giving up smoking permanently. This has been a challenge for a long time and being here and walking the mountains, I want to do it for good. I will. I’m on to it. Nuff said. J

The last thought…eat better, feel better. Its not that I am eating fried foods or sandwiches and cakes, its that changing from meat eater to vegetarian takes its toll. Ummmm excuse me, that’s just my excuse. I think the point being, not having the regular schedule and routine (which mind you, I worked so hard to get out of) makes it difficult to have set meal times. What has worked for me and works best for me, is eating smaller meals at regular intervals. At this stage I have not eaten meat for almost 2 months and I like it. So when I leave Mcleod Ganj I will continue to eat natural foods only. I'm using my 2 weeks here to gain a little momentum and have a schedule for a couple of weeks and of course do some TREKKING! Yew!!!!!....

Amritsar The Golden Temple and BED BUGS

My Arm Swollen Like a Bitch

I'm really not wanting to be the ignorant little westerner that is nattering away in my head as I write this. But guess what, so is the case! Amritsar...I'm neither here nor there with this place, would 'indifferent' be the appropriate word to describe this feeling of blah... perhaps it is just my calm sense of being right now and the observation of my surroundings.

My travel buddy, Martina is pretty sick today so I'm off doing my own thing, at intervals of course, to check in on her and its also pretty intense out on the streets on your own. But I don't feel unsafe and if I did, I could sprint to the Golden Temple.

Besides the Golden Temple there is not allot to do in Amritsar except perhaps explore the tiny, narrow, cascading back streets, which I must say are pretty interesting to browse if your a wholesaler looking for something specific. I on the other hand bought cookies and felt proud! I was also proud not to have been knocked over by Sikhs on motor bikes and cycle rickshaws all weaving through the foot traffic at lighting speed to probably get no where special... Fast!

The mood here is sombre, yet alive. Or it could be me just being a indecisive GIT!

The majority of the population here are sikhs. They were turbans and have long uneven beards. I have never seen or felt such dedication by being in a place. It's pretty much the first thing that comes to mind when you arrive here, after of course... "where the fuck am I". Sikhs are totally devoted to their faith, you can immediately see that they live by it. Not sure what or whom the gods are but it has to be pretty special as the vibe you feel upon entering the temple after being gobsmacked with the temples beauty and the number of people in there is of course the purity, and the "vibrations" from the chanting continuously played through a 'Bose' sound system. The temple is open 24 hours, provides free accommodation for foreigners, free food and has shops and amenities surrounding the perimeter. You could hang out there all day or even live there if you were a pure devotee. I left the next day and headed to Dharamashala.

I'm now sitting in a great little restaurant plugging away at the iPhone, blogging, after inhaling a vegetable "Vegetable Dosa" and half of my first "Banana Lassi". All so yum and tasty!! And gone in 60secs.

So before I pay the bill... Let me just say, you ain't seen nothing yet girlY!! I'm sure of it, this place proves it. Love or Hate it there is so much more to see, learn experience and taste... And I can't fuckinG wait!!

WARNING. I may as well add here, that if you travel to Amritsar DO NOT stay at the Lucky Guest House (recommended by lonely planet) near the Golden Temple.  I got BED BUGS here and 4 days later I'm still itchy and worried that they may scar....just a tip. The place to stay if you want a recommendation is the Hotel Sapphire, closer to the Golden Temple in a quieter location. More Expensive, but the only clean place we found once we upped the budget to 1500 rupees.

India Rail

8th Nov

On a train from new Delhi to Armistar. What an awesome awesome invaluable experience. After a fairly traumatic morning in order to purchase a same day ticket to an unexpected location (as I'm supposed to be in Nepal right now) we decided Haridwar in the morning but due to visa bullshit etc we decided Armistar.... Anyways.. I once again randomly tangent... My point. Medium distance train journeys. 7hrs. What a fascinating and insightful experience. Fascinating because every other minute there  are vendors walking up and down the isles of the train selling either cold drinks, biriyani, cold dhal, key rings, people crawling on the floor sweeping up old peanut shells and other rubbish, or young children doing forward rolls up and down the isle and using a small iron hoop for contortions and body manipulations for a finale!! Insightful... Because, besides us being the centre of attention for about 20-30 by standers (men of course) all of these people toward the end of the journey are giggling and communicating with one another as if they have been long time friends and or could possibly be brothers or relatives.

Meditation...

Free therapy. silence, stillness, your own inner sanctuary, clarity, peace of mind, energy and vitality...all intangible outcomes that no one can give you or take away from you.

You can read as many books as you like as to how to meditate but it is not until you practice practice practice that the most profound happens. I will not use the word skill to explain my next point but essentially mediation is an experience that you have to continually practice and thus cultivate in order to see and feel the difference.

When it comes to meditation, it really is "different strokes for different folks", that is, Different techniques suit different people. But of course I can only speak for me. As I am now traveling it is harder to come up with the routine that I live at home, but I use music and guided meditations on my ipod to offer myself silence when in transit.

Here is a sketch of my everyday life living in Sydney.

5am Wake up (hot water with lemon followed by omlette)

6am Train Client

7am Sand Run or some form of cardio vascular exercise

8.30am Train Client

9.45am Vinyasa Yoga + Meditation

12pm Teach Class

1.30-2pm Power Smoothie + Omlette and or Steamed Broccoli

2pm ish 20-30 min Silent Meditation in my own space (usually my room)

3-4pm Afternoon power nap

6-7.30 pm Teach Class

8pm Dinner

10pm - 11pm Open eye meditation for 5-10mins before lying down to sleep.

It doesn't seem like a lot of meditation, but due to the forces and speed at which most of us live our life, having 1 hour to our self to do something other than relax, can be mission impossible. 

So you have to find a method and a means in which you can dedicate to your self. While traveling, I use my ipod and listen to healing music, chanting, soft instrumentals and guided meditations a nice way to take a break from the chain of thoughts that will continue to flow if you allow.

So if you have a busy mind, feel anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated or feel like you need therapy?

The cure... practice meditation, there is not right or wrong way, remain open to new techniques and ideas, explore different philosophies and most importantly listen to yourself carefully...believe it or not, you do know what is right for you. You may just have to ask better questions.

Changing Undies

Saggy Y Fronts

Women and their emotions what a phenomena [fi-nom-uh-nuh]. I probably should of called this post toilet paper as it would of been more suitable to actually describe the rapidly changing emotions and hormones that is going on when 8 women from different pockets of the globe (Germany, USA and Oz) are deposited randomly into a room share situation in an ashram in the rural North India to complete a  yoga teacher training course whereby self exploration is a common objective... and therefore mood swings by the hour be part of the daily routine. For the most part we all work pretty well together for a bunch of strangers, but over time your own self exploration becomes about how you feel about other people in your face and space... firstly because you have none and secondly that's why we are all here, our changing perception of the world.

I'm Australian so I'm a huge fan of what we call "wingeing" similar to the English terms, moaning and complaining. I don't winge nearly as much as I used to because I am now able to remove myself or avoid situations that disgruntle me. But sometimes you are tempted to ask, am I impatient? negative? intolerant? a plain ol bitch? Well I would love to answer this and say HELL NO! but to a proportionate degree I believe I am all of the above, in which proportions remains questionable to ones mood on any given day. Today its obviously higher than lower but generally speaking I think that the bitch-om-eter reading would remain fairly low and spike up when and if necessary.

Here's a tangent for ya!....

Observation  of ones thoughts is as intriguing as it is to wonder what kind of underwear someone is wearing, just like their mood. Plain, patterned, happy, sad, see through, emotional, sexy G-strings, extroverted, lace, outgoing, fishing twine, uncomfortable, Y-Fronts, conservative full brief, high wasted or saggy stretched almost ready to be thrown out.  Sometimes you will just never know or would be able to pick it... :-/ Though it may just be me that wonders about these sorts of things and can draw strange parrallels such as this, but somehow in this den of persepctives it is a frequently occuring attribute that exists within. I call it a gift. :)

Cramp my style

Talk about expect the unexpected. Well a woman's lunar cycle is a part of life... On a monthly basis... But when it is fortnightly is this a gift or a curse? Either way it's an inconvenience when ones ashram uniform is white pants (to represent purity)!

Reality Vs Spirituality

The complete renunciation of urges, desires and worldly possessions. Material objects don't, can't and shouldn't not be obtained if there is attachment. Vows of celibacy, impulses, urges, lust, greed, anger, the removal ego, no desires, live with dispassion, no attachment, no prejudices... Is living entirely like this for the average person even possible in a western world or even for the developing nations of the eastern world? In this day and age we are exposed to and often consumed by the acquisition of "THINGS"... it is no fault of our own, it is how the world and its economies operate. So if you are to survive in this world we are taught to study hard and work hard in order to provide for ourselves and our families... 

Over time we forgot the basics, and in forgetting the basics we were unable to tune in to what really made us happy and soon enough we found ourselves doing something we didn't really enjoy doing and then we realised that the only thing that makes 'me' happy and will continue to make 'me' happy is to spend 'my' life the way 'I' choose...and then we eventually come back to the basics...we discover that objects external to us are not what defines us. We ask the conventional questions who am I? what is my purpose? what really makes me happy?

So to bring it back to my first point, is living a completely spiritual path entirely possible with 100% purity? I think yes, if that is your destiny. But in my mind two worlds exist. Reality and Spirituality. So how do we apply spirituality in 'our' reality? Tough question. It seems that two extremes and ways of living are coming to a head east (spiritual) meets west (material) in this spiritual battle for freedom within. Striking a balance is easier than it sounds and applying eastern philosophy (whatever it may be) to a western life requires allot of commitment, discipline and awareness. Renouncing ones self to a life of celibacy may not be entirely possible but reducing ones urges to have sex for the sake of sex to feed ones ego may be something one is to consider if they are seeking happiness within. 

Using spirituality and exploring different philosophies as an approach to living, will over time naturally see the removal of desires, ego, attachment and therefore pain, anger and suffering. It is a gradual process that requires lots and lots of practice and belief in ones self to do so.

Scrabble

Nothing Like a good game of Scrabble!

Who am I, where do I come from, where am I going, how do I get there? All pretty simple questions yeah... Well depends I guess on who you are, where u came from, where you decided to go and how you got there!

Cryptic? It may be so... But let's face it, are these not the questions of life?  Some people seem to just glide effortlessly through the various stages and make it to home base with out a doubt. Others take the alternate route and discover different paths along the way, turn back for a little and discover another path and again find that it's not for them and then start to searching for a specific path that is better suited to what, based on what they have already found and have or haven't liked. Once you have found something that holds your interest it's like opening a can of worms... If only we were handed a GPS at school, or born with built in navigational chip perhaps this life would be easier...

Easier is none the wiser unfortunately. If we were handed life on a silver platter this existence would be absent. No point, no purpose, no fun!

Today was a little turning point for me in the ashram today. After much resistance and let loose ego, I came to a halt! A standstill!! 

Tears... Only a few, but needed to speak to swami... A monk. Immediately. To ask some questions... I know that no one can give you the answer but it's interesting to hear some likelihoods or another perception especially after one months observation.

I'm not sure where I'm going, I know where I do want to go but I think i have allot of cleaning up to do still. I'm not broken, dirty or in for repairs but I do need a tune up, and possibly an upgrade. This 'old' mentality that I still wear is getting 'ratty' and I need to change it. self defeating behaviors are totally 'old skool' and it's time to own my shit (feelings) and Saying I do when really I don't know the meaning behind these feelings and behaviors is... actually daunting and whole other board game.... What happened to scrabble?

Sivananda TTC Week 2

Done! Friday the 21st OCt, our 2nd day off!! So excited. A group of us went to kanan foods. The only sit in restaurant in virindavan. Veg pizza Indian style. Pretty tasty after rice, dhal, spinach, and other blended foods. Regular Bowel movements have become a some what a distant memory and require laxatives for release. Sorry about the details. But not much else by way of normal life goes on here...

Though am really getting into the course and cherishing every moment. I longed for this so much and not putting my soul in it would only fill me with regret and typical human conditioning of wishing time away or to speed up.

Being in an environment such as this, ie. Embracing the present forces you to actually be still and embrace the feelings of discontent, uncertainty and change. Being witness to yourself and observing how you react, feel and behave when confronted with discipline. For me... Discipline is a mere concept to which I retaliate like a 15 year old. But 17 years on feelings are the same but my ability to recognize has taken much cultivation!

Hahahha just re-read this and am starting to sound like a total hippy. But I'm cool with that...

.... Some of the things that have passed through my brain this week are mostly about where I want to reside. As sydney will always be my home and my heart I feel that I am totally ready for something new, different and challenging (in a good way, like learning a 2nd language would be amazing). A non English speaking country would be preferable but which continent remains the question. Once you leave your bubble and explore the possibilities the world truly become s your oyster.

Sivananda TTC Week 1

Sitting in what appears to be my favorite "get out ashram for two hours" cafe. I need some alone time today. Sticking to this schedule is actually driving me mental. I enjoyed this mornings chant and yoga class but I know me! Alone time is much appreciated. I'm not sure what my thoughts are as there are so many that come up. All I know right now is that after completion of this course I will be free to travel and do the things I want to do and see what I want see. Not to say that I won't and don't appreciate this experience, I do. But when your going through the motions of it it can be a little rough. But I love that I am here and not at home.I'm actually Not missing it a single bit. Thoughts of staying over here are all coming back. If not India, then perhaps the idea of training in Thailand and then heading south to work and live on an island. I'm gonna go for it. It has been in my thoughts for long enough, which makes me think that it's right for me. The only obstacles to overcome is the visa and legal requirements to work. It's been done before so I may as well give it a shot and deal with the obstacles as and when they arise :)

Wow, interesting to even re-read this briefly as I'm posting it. Head space has changed. See next post...

Me being extremely attentive during chanting!

Karma Yoga

I'm not too sure if I like my karma yoga or not. Though it is easy and does not require me to work it interferes with my free time which is already limited and restricted to leaving the ashram for only 2hrs per day. Which if u compare this to the amount of time we do satsang is also 2 hrs!!

I feeling very pissed off and frustrated right about now. I am wide awake and the lights are out. I want a cigarette and it is not possible because it is against ashram rules. I want to eat and drink coffee right now and it too is against ashram rules. I totally feel that I am being resistant to what opportunity lay before me but I guess I will learn more about these little erks that piss me off so badly right now.

Having to stick to such a routine schedule is simply just going to make me feel stuck. Right now I am having trouble seeing the insight in this lesson so will probably continue to bitch and wine until I do. I'm sure it will be an amazing self discovery but until then hear me roar!!

PS. I'm two weeks in and have swapped Karma Yoga. Im not sure if this is good Karma or not. Yet to be determined!

Satsang Part 1

10th Oct 2011
I chose to skip satsung tonight. 

Well I chose to because I'm not a big fan of chanting and worship. I feel that my presence and attending of this course is me showing my respect and belief in something above myself. I do not want to sound arrogant and therefore ignorant but in keeping an open mind to the teachings and practice of Indian tradition by way of spiritual practice I feel that the chanting twice per day is a little too much for me. I will continue to attend all sessions to show that I am not just being a stubborn Liz smiz westerner that is not prepared to change her ways and adapt, I will try the chanting when I am ready but I am really struggling to believe in it.

Thank goodness for a "notes pad" on the iPhone. Without it writing in the middle of the morning would he impossible...

So I'm a week in and it 4.35 am on 16 oct 2011... :-)We have to be waking up soon for satsang. I skipped it again last night because twice a day feels like a little too much. I'm sure this is lots of ego consciousness supporting my initial and ever so valid belief that was chanting super mantras Hare Krishna style was not for me. Now considering I am a super stubborn mutha so and so at the best of times when it comes to jamming religion and belief systems down ones throat. Having me attend twice a day  and then asking me to sing about it is just not going to happen.... What did I do instead... Well couldn't get myself off because I also have 7 room mates! All lovely and wonderful but nevertheless, privacy is not going to be part of my ashram experience :) inner stillness and peace is the selected out come here. So mind fucking myself or having wild and illustrious fantasies about a desirable female... I read shantaram. 

A book that once you pick it up is so hard to put down.  But with our militant schedule I barely have time to pick it up. So skipping satsang seemed like the only valid reason or means to enable me to pick up this epic tale of a novel.

unComfortably NUMB!!!

My head is spinning around and around and it's even actually pounding!! I'm not sure if it cigarette withdrawals, coffee withdrawals or sugar withdrawls... or perhaps the liver damaged I caused in London or maybe even my western comforts (though I have my mac book with). Knowing me, my vices and my behaviour up until yesterday, it would would probably be all of the above in equal magnitudes. Although I am here (India) by choice and for the greater good of my being. In the last 48 hours I have really struggled with finding a positive head space. I'm not sure if it's specific to me but perhaps minus chanting, I would be sweet. I just want to do yoga!! and deepen my practice!! 'says my narrow ignorant mind' while the enlightened part of me says "this is yoga". Taking all of it for what it is and embracing it, making no judgement, knowing that you can take it or leave it at the end...

.... Well fact of the matter is, I'm having trouble sitting still. Everything hurts, aches and goes numb. So I need to lay, twist, spread, stretch, and massage myself to comfort for another 20 minute meditation, in which all I spend time is blocking out 3-4 dogs barking, people coughing, sniffling and also moving restlessly...at this stage meditation to no avail... Then we chant, then my mind wonders...then I want to leave...

Mind the GaP

Please...Mind the Gap

The London underground at most times of day is always an interesting experience. You really and truly do see all sorts of people from all walks of life. The awkward part about most journeys is that unlike trains at home (looking at the back of someones head) on the underground the seats face each other in a minute distance of less than a meter. So trying not to stare and definitely not getting busted when finding intrigue can often be difficult. So many people, including me wear their sunglasses on the tube and I'm sure its for this reason. It's easier to stare and harder to get caught.

one door closes and another door opens

"Oh blog, how it feels like an eternity since I last layed my eyes on you and had words with you..."

You quickly realise that access to the Internet is a commodity when your in a tiny little city 4 hours out of Delhi... so the next few posts I will have piece together as best I can as I have still been writing but just as random notes on my iPhone...

Below are a few blogs I wrote while still in London...(remember...unedited means, that I have not re-read allot of these, so pardon me for the slightly embarrassing grammar)...

LONDON

This god for 'saken' town. Love to love it, love to hate it but hate that love it so much!!

Within 2 days of being here the tube map, it's connections and change overs are back in my head and I'm walking the streets like an A-Z or as one would say "a proper Londoner innit"! It really does feel like my home away from home. Being here after 4.5 years since returning to Sydney is probably the perfect amount of time as I am less attached to the desire to stay here. I did love living here and I could easily see myself living there again. But the calmer part of me can also see that being in a fast pace city again is something I would mentally have to prepare for or even avoid if I am to find my true balance. Walking along oxford st and going out in Soho last night reminded me how intense this city can actually be. Millions of people from all over the world co-existing in one city all striving to succeed, to become something, thriving for the same energy to become financially independent, to achieve their purpose, or even find their purpose, wanting something different from their life. This is the buzz that is London. This energy is possibly what makes it one of the best cities in world. It is nice to have lived it and experienced it, but for now, its an amazing place to visit. I have wanted to move back so many times since I moved back to Sydney but it was this trip that allowed me to close this door in my mind and realise that living in London again at this stage in my life would be a novelty that would wear off very quickly.

So the new door that is to open is my travels through India...

48 hours in Delhi...

All I can do is giggle at what a foreigner I am or what I may be perceived as being. My walk, my talk, my dress, my mannerisms, my camera…need I say more. I often wonder what runs through a persons mind when they see me. Am I acting too butch, too foreign, too vulnerable, too sexy, too not sexy, a target? I have no idea, it doesn’t bother me but I would like to hear their internal dialouge when they stare at me.

I got over the staring when I was in SE Asia, scary men, kind of sexy men, sleezy men all at which that take an interest in a foreign women and show this by staring do not bother me at all…here in Delhi, every time I have talked to them, they are pretty harmless and try to charm me and ask me out. I try not to laugh and just brush it off by changing the topic but I do admire their confidence and upfront’ness’. We could all learn something from this approach. If you like something go after it.

Yesterday upon arrival into Delhi at 4am I went straight to my hotel “Hotel Chand Palace” great little hotel, pretty much in the middle of ‘New Delhi’. I slept till 1.30pm in the afternoon and started my day relatively late by travelling standards, but was still willing to go and check a few things out. I hired a driver who took me to a few sights, but I was just so tired that I got home about 6pm, slept a little more, woke up by 9pm went for a walk and check out the streets at night. As I was alone and not too familiar with pretty anything I came back to hotel and slept again and decided to start my day early…

So this morning at about 9am I set off. I had my first rickshaw experience which I must confess was no where near as scary as what I have heard. Again, I think SE Asia has softened me which means not allot puts me on edge. I got dropped off at ‘Connaught Place’ (tourist shopping area) which was closed. So I walked around looking for a coffee place and started talking to this 23 year old local Delhi Boy, who has since become my ‘Delhi Angel’. Anil, gave me an amazing local tour of New Delhi, Temples, Markets, Food, he even took me to a great tailor to get some ‘Ali Baba, yoga style pants tailored’. Get this, 3 pairs, made to measure, delivered to my hotel all for $70 AUD. He even helped me organise a Sim card, which may not seem like a big deal, but is actually not as easy as the UK where I just slipped in 20 quid to a vending machine at the airport and boom!...

Tonight, I’m taking it easy, packing and getting set for my yoga journey. I still can’t believe I am actually here in India and all is soon to unfold!

...in transit

Just got off my LHR to AUH (Abu Dhabi) flight. Pretty easy flight 6.5 hours and talked to the girl next to me most of the way. Though am right into my book 'Shantaram'. After we made conversation and kept talking for an hour, I kinda felt akward about opening the book up to continue reading.

Unusually... I don't have allot to say except, I thought I would write a little blog about nothing, just to use free wifi in Abu Dhabi and plot my location so I look really cool.

London was amazing,I ate lots, drank lots and caught up with loads of people. The time went oh so quickly, but my mind and body are ready to be immersed into my Yoga Teacher Training. While being present and allowing my self the freedom to do as I please, I continue to wonder how people who live a toxic lifestyle survive. I know it was only a week, and I'm not regretting a single thing...but omg. I was kinda feeling lethargic and tired all the time. Though it could of been the late nights with my bestie, up till 2am on the vino and up at the crack of dawn because we're both mental PT's. 

In 5 hrs from now, I will be on the Indian subcontinent! holy shit!

it's prOPer LonDon...iNNit, know what i mean yeh!!

Minus a slightly hectic tube ride, I Love it here. As soon as I stepped off the tube at Covent Garden it felt like I had never left. Even when I went to top up my oyster card, it had an old weekly travel card on it from 2007. The last time I was here.

I met my friend Cam at Jamie Olivers Italian restaurant. The food of course sensational and amazing. Not just sensational, but also amazing!!

It occurred to me here while I was stuffing my face that when my friends at home were saying "ah, so... your doing eat pray love?" and I'm like "ahhh no! give me some cred! I'm slightly more creative than that. But essentially "YES" (god damn it) except, Elizabeth Gilbert (author) doesn't go and trek the Himalayas or do Muay Thai in Thailand now does she? So while it may sound EPL while I am here in London indulging a little and a allot, after India I will be directing my own little movie! Called Eat organic, Drink vino, Stretch lots and Kick ass! hehehehe. Not that I'm justifying it or anything but just so we're clear!... 

...so it begins...

21 hours and spinal cord injury later...I'm safe in London. I really would have loved to have started my first blog in 3 weeks using the word epic. It would of went something like..."wow, what an epic 21 hour journey...Sydney to London". Sounds good right? but unfortunately, the truth of it is, that it all went pretty smoothly in terms of logistics and people transportation by the masses. 

Though because I like to have a good bitch and moan and lets face it there are so many little quirks when traveling that grate us.

5 things that come to my mind on (super) long haul journeys is;

1. DVT. Will I get 'deep vein thrombosis' if I don't get up and stretch and do 10 reps x 90 sets of calf raises and ankle mobility? So I always book an isle seat so that I can stand up at least 9 times per hour to get up out of my seat and do my DVT prevention exercises.

2. Food. Now surely in this day and age in which we can check in on line, choose our seats etc. we should be able to choose our food and special requirements online if one fails to be so organised in advance. Here are the reason(s) one must always organise special case meals...you meal comes first! That's pretty much it really. It doesn't taste better than "normal" food, though come to think of it, in the past when I have ordered vegetarian, I find that I have less cabin pressure.

3. Cabin Pressure. The reason I also recommend special meals is that, it seems that by eating the same meal as the vast majority, one can develop allot of gas in their intestines. Yes, intestinal pressure. But the interesting chemistry about this is that when at altitude this gas does not have an odour when being released from the sphincter.

4. Children. (a.k.a. noise making creatures) Though there is nothing I can do about this, being on a flight and seeing folk with their off spring, babies (crying) toddlers (fidgeting, playing and constantly walking up and down the isle) it is always a nice little reminder to know why I am not ready for them, if at all. In other words...shut them up!!

5. Sit upright. I have finally learnt after many years of travel in 'cattle class' is that the only way to prevent spine and neck injury is to sit up right. I used to sit, spread, lean, wedge, manouvre, balance, contort and try all sorts of positions to now only realise at the ripe age of 32 that a seat is to be sat on.

follow UR nOse...

Organic Fruit Loops

Following your heart and pursuing your dreams is the cliché that we all aspire to. The difference is that if you are a ‘passionate’, a person that is guided by what feels good at the time or goes with the flow versus conforming to what is considered conventional. I’m not saying that you cant have a 9-5 gig and therefore are not passionate about it or some other hobby, this is very far from the truth. But what is conventional these days anyways?

I speak for me (of course) when I say this. But there is no way in hell I could lead a conventional lifestyle of routine and mundanity (if there is such a word?, and if there isn't, then now there is! trademark it!). I need allot of time to my self to rejuvenate, allow my head to breathe and offer energy to those I work with and people that are important to me, the best of me. A little ridiculous huh!

What I have learnt about my self through the years and recently accepted is that I am a fruit loop. A healthy one made of home grown organic vegetables with no artificial colours or flavours. I need constant stimulation, variety, fresh minds, new connections, long standing connections and friendships, rejuvenation, space to be creative, nature, nature, nature and silence.

ps. if you remember the fruit loops ad on Australian TV in the 80's and 90's, the Toucan Sam followed his nose and found fruit loops.

So when I woke up this morning and realised I had only 17 days to go, I was a little spooked about my journey that I am about to embark upon. Not because I am afraid of a squillion Indians wanting to share the same cubic inch as me, or that Everest is too high, but because the (small) part of me that wants to return sooner to get things up and running in terms of my business is rapidly getting more minute by the day. The larger part of me, the bird, the nomad, the cameleon that thrives on change and adaptation is prepared to set off for quite some time. Perhaps 4-6 months. I know I just have to wait and see, but in my mind I kind of want to frame it so that I can mentally prepare. The little voices are saying "See where things go and see where things end up", another voice says "things at home will always be there" another says "keep the connections you have" its kinda noisy in there, so I just breathe and remember that as long as I am being true to me at each point in my mind along the way, then that's all there is.