Sugar Sux

Sugar SUX!!!

Yes my passion for educating and bitching has reached an all time high! I am here in the Philippines and I have semi-consciously and unwillingly jumped on the blood sugar roller coaster. Unfortunately the more you are aware of it the more frustrated you become - at myself mostly but just as much to the American Corporations and Governments for allowing this disaster to spread.

Last night I created a blog series and facebook page to a) spread the knowledge once again and b) to protest!

But can you imagine without this power of knowledge the detrimental effects it can and will lead to. For me its just a short ride, which upon my return to Health Island in Thailand and eventually to my motherland Australia, blood sugar will normalise and stabilise. For many of the people here this is vicious cycle of ups and downs and progressive depletion of health.

I am but a one man army, loaded with nothing more than a blog and a few fans. We talk about sustainability and yet the epidemic continues to grow with impact being mostly on the environment and the people.

Spread the message people and if not, make the change for your self!

More on Sugar Sux

The igen

I thought I was a tech head or perhaps a facebook addict. But after 4 days here in the Philippines, I can honestly say that I am far from it. Since I have been here, I have seen a 2 year old play temple run (a very stupid game) on her brothers Samsung tablet that he uses for school; as well as all my nieces and nephews just sitting on the couch right next to each other with their own up to date high tech smart phone glued to their hands.

The concern that not only is it slightly frustrating to have a conversation with them but that its more frustrating and sad to see that kids are no longer playing with each other in each others presence, or running around screaming and laughing, making up silly games. The closest they get to engaging with one another is when they are sitting on the couch next to each other both overlooking a laptop or playing a versus match against one another the wii.

I also get it that here in the Phils its a part of the boredom factor, but is it not the responsibility of the parents to ensure that the children are engaged in PHYSICAL activity? not at all times, but WHY-O-WHY do they have to have phones with friggen 24 hour access to facebook. Who cares what your friends status is or what they are doing every minute...I'm guessing they are also driving their parents mad while sitting on their couch doing the same thing?

I may sound fairly judgemental in saying this, but the fact of the matter is that social media as it may be referred to has also had the reverse impact on this igen.

While for instance people like me use it for business or to share photos with friends and family while traveling. It seems that this is the pure source of communication for children here in the Philippines and probably everywhere...if this is how they are at such an early age...the idea of close connections and relationships will be as artificial as cyber reality.

Considering the evolution we have made as a race, why is it that we work so hard to improve communication and then being of the intelligence that we are it ends up that we become more disconnected...is that not un-intelligence!

Go fuck yourself technology! as I sign off on my blog that I access over high speed Internet....the oxymoron is that technological advancement is pleasure and pain all rolled into one!

New Energy...

To be free like a butterfly!

I have a profound sense of positive energy lifting me today. My day started with a guided Ashtanga Mysore practice. While I am still unable to do most of the primary series, it actually helped me with my mind focus and balance this morning...actually suprising, considering the practice it self made me feel that I have never done yoga before. But thank you Lia for guiding the way :)

Tomorrow I head to the Philippines to finally see my Mum and of course all the cousins and aunties and uncles...yay!...

Where did this energy and insight come from...

In my professional observation of my own life, I feel that most of this energy has come from being in tune mentally to the my inner flow and accepting what it is. In my old stubborn mindset of expectations and control I limit myself...and isn't life all about taking what comes your way in open arms and making the best of it.

I could say that 'oh man, I really just want to stay here and keep working at it'...beat my self and feel like a failure. 

But NO!...this is not at all how it is. Right now the universe has other plans for me and while things may not have come out the way I 'expected', it has shown me other signs that are guiding me in another direction...which is now back to Sydney.

I miss that place anyways...even if I was to stay longer, I think I would still book a flight home for a visit and see some familiar faces and just check into my roots. I love Sydney too, but all to often when I return back there after some time away, I appreciate it more...

So in my last few weeks here on the island, I can now finally kick back and let go of all the should'a', could'a' and would'a's...and simply embrace the Liz time, no energy out and just do the things that feel good for me!

Inhale, Exhale....

I hate to say it out loud, but I still think that m*ryj*n* is a friend once in a while. We seem to get along very well. She makes me creative, want to write, eat less, smoke less, and do lots and lots of yoga. I have always kind of known about functional st*n*rs and how they just get into a zone and get shit done. For me...I am functional but 100 more times creative and productive in doing so...everything feels like a meditation. Heightened sense, fine awareness, focused mind (sometimes with chatter) but the creative flow of drawing and writing certainly keep me occupied for hours. Meditation is effortless,  listening to Buddhist teachings, these are but a few of the many things that m*ryj*n* helps me with me.

on my mind

I smoked a little blunt earlier so am feeling pretty chilled. Just watched a gig at the art cafe in Koh Phangan where a chick re-vibed some cool tracks with her own flavour and then threw in a few of her own as well as cited her own modern philosophical poetry. Unique and different! I like it...though as I was a little blazed I felt the urge to head home and write...but as it turns out I'm writing about the event.

Whats happening right now...

Im on my huge empty king side bed, door open, semi-fierce breeze coming in with fall fan switched onto level 3, lights on, insence burning... my fingers can't type as fast as I am thinking....I'm listening to Phil Collins, because it was the first thing that jumped out at me when I just flicked screens...is this song doing it for me? nope, I'm going to change it. Okay...here we go "losing my religion'...R.E.M...Now thats a goodie...reminds me of my cousin Vanessa when she was living in New Jersey and we were huge fans of Beverly Hills 90210. We used to send each other mixed tapes...yes tapes! and this track was on it, I think she discovered during that classic series!...and ever since then it always make me think of her...

What else is going on up there...

Ah...the anticipation and excitement of my friend Dana coming...no expectations Miss Liz! (song update..."One' U2). Yes I know..."no expectations" but the excitement of seeing her despite the outcome...this is the anticipation. I have a nice feeling about it, so will just be present to the time we get to spend together and I'm sure how ever we leave it, is the way it supposed to be.

I still though, have the a huge question mark in my mind for someone I'm not quite sure about...its been almost a year now and I still think of her in the same way as I did when I left...does she know? maybe, probably...she should...I mean I know her allot better and I still like her...but again, we are good friends and if (which I'm not too sure will) something is to happen or not, then I am happy regardless. 

It's weird ya know, when you meet someone, anyone, almost instantly you can tell if they are gonna be a close friend or if your attracted to them etc...obviously...but...sometimes when there is this ambiguity and we are uncertain of the feelings, you wonder if...it is the rose tinted filter on my mind creating a beautiful fantasy or is... ambiguity, just what it is, ambiguity? and then in this complex state of ambiguity we just question in circles what it is and nothing changes until it changes or until it becomes blatant...

I still am the avid believer in you will know it when it hits you in your face...

I'm going to enjoy another piece of mothers earths gifts...roll it in paper and then.....write some more :P

observation of the heart

Have you ever had those feelings, when you are simply confused by what you want, who you want versus what you need versus knowing that you need to love yourself first?

I am often torn by these thoughts and conditions often.

Lust or Desire comes from that place of 'thinking' that if we have something, we fulfill something in ourselves that we can provide our selves.

Love on the other hand is something that we come across when we are ready to receive it and love and approve of ourselves as we are.

In feeling this disconnect I often wonder if I will ever meet someone that truly and unconditionally loves me who I really am. It may sound a little conceited to be thinking like this, and this is not a case of 'poor me'. It simply is an observation of where I am at.

I feel that this journey over the last 9 or so months has taught me alot about myself and in this discovery I have made many realizations about my attitude towards commitment.

If I could reiterate my past verbatim or creative a drama series of my life it would soon become apparent and clear as to how, why and where things changed in order for me to arrive on this island feeling the way I feel. Mostly I have been the saboteur of all the relationships or they were simply not part of my life flow...the latter being the easier ones to get over emotionally, while the ones where I was not a good decision maker caused me lots of pain.

What was the difference?
I think not only has it do to with the flow of life, I also think it has a great deal to do with the fact that I was seeking happiness in another person whilst not being aware of it. When I was in my flow and circumstances did not allow us to be together, it seemed that my head and my heart was quickly able to let go.

The point...
Be sure I remain true to who I am and trust that anyone who comes into my life was brought here for a reason...and to be open and present to that with out expectations. Simple!

5.57am Koh Phangan

I love rising early and watch the sky turn to light. It almost feels as if you are the only one awake to witness this momentary moment of watching night turn to day. I have always loved this hour, the early sense of calm and simply watching nature take it course. Its especially special being on the edge of this island watching the vast ocean and all its energy. The endless effect of the ripples and the stillness at the shore. As the sky lights up the ocean changes colour, the sound of the waves is soothing, there is no other sound like it. The cool morning wind, the sounds of the birds all is peaceful all is calm. There really is no better way to start the morning that with an early rise.

Lessons

I have learned a great deal about my self over the past 9 months and more specifically in the last few days. In a city choc full of people, we can choose to surround ourselves with people we choose. But as you minimise the number of people in your everyday, perhaps by moving to an island, you would think that being in search of the same peace and freedom the connection would be simple and require non-effort. It's probably just me and where I am at in terms of life-level, but it is most certainly interesting as to how we draw certain people into our life.

Here is what I have observed in the last few days;

- The way I 'feel' around difficult people.
- The way I 'feel' around negative people.
- Love and acceptance for oneself.
- Intense lonliness and opening the heart.
- Compassion, understanding, acceptance and letting go of past pain and expectations of the future.
- Learning to accept and appreciate the present moment.

While I can create this list and think about specific examples that led me to these conclusions. I would say the ones that take and require the most practice are the first 3.

I always have great patience when it comes to someone I care about, but when it come to people that get on my nerves instantly, I shut down. I have no space for them in my sphere of consciousness. I often wonder is does that lack of patience stem from the fact that as a mirror to this human being I to have these frustrating qualities or has it to do with the fact that my fault finding mind is living large.

Perhaps to some degree it is a bit of both. To walk away from the situation does not allow you to learn and move on, to go at it with anger just makes it worse and of course gives it life making it harder to resolve with two people rather than just in your own mind.

Is acceptance of the way it is the solution? or to throw love at it and meet it in the middle? or does just simply 'letting it go' serve?

No time or Too much time...

It seems that living on an island time evaporates like the tide! The days fly by and when you only do bits and pieces of work each day starts to feel the same. Mostly like a Sunday. Everything moves slower, time constraints are non existent and an afternoon siesta is simply part of the daily routine.

You only have time and time alone...alone as in only and also time on your own.

You can do as much or as little as you need...and with time as your only asset, it seems that the side effect strangely enough is the "losing track of the days", or feeling that the days come and go.

Whilst being on an island sounds magical it seems to have the unintentional implication of making you a bit lazy. No deadlines, no pressure, no push no shove.

Who thought I would be saying this out loud let alone on a blog available for the whole world to see.

I know that drive comes from with in (knowing clearly in your mind your purpose and of course your highest values). Unfortunately we are mostly motivated by the fear of something happening if we don't do something or the fear that if we do something x or y will happen. While this may be the case, it is also the necessary evil in order for us to keep pushing and striving in order to learn more about ourselves, why we are here and what keeps that flame inside humbly flickering.

To have no challenges, no distractions, no conflicts, irregular human interaction would be the end of our everyday suffering but the beginning of a life half lived. Having said this bold statement - out loud once again - it can therefore be said that in order to find balance we must grow spiritually in order to determine our balance in order to find inner peace and harmony with our place in the world.

Allot more can definitely be said for the pros and cons of living in a busy city or on a small island...perhaps experiencing both can help you see a little more clearly why in either situation getting to know your self is the most important seed we need sow and grow. So irrespective of logistics we remain grounded and true to our inner nature.

While some may thrive on hectic schedules and deadlines, others may crumble and vice versa. Leaving people to their own devices and running to their own schedule and timeline may result in a life of unfulfilled possibilities.

Our journey is our own expression of what is.

Who am I? and Why am I here?...

I am feeling a deep sense of confusion about what is really going on inside me at the moment. It seems that two voices of the true me and 'social', 'false' me (who I thought I was) have collided. They can no longer hide from each other.

It is the time of confrontation. Deciphering years of bullshit ego and reflecting upon mistakes or decisions that have led me to the point of where I am right now.

By no means can I complain about my external world right now. I'm in a secluded bungalow with beach, rocks and the sound of waves crashing all day. What more could you want right? The external certainly does not feel like the problem. I could say here that environmental and logistical conditions and finally acheived perfection. So why the inner discontent?...


Who am I? and Why am I here?...

Great, seems like the old adage of "back to the drawing board". I could say here, that 10 years ago I was less tainted by life or I could say that I now sit here 10 years wiser. I'm not sure which is the more glorious. Surely the latter would enable us to make decisions with clarity and expertise. But its not an expert that we need here is it. Apparently its reconnecting to the less tainted self and view of life and being guided to the innate wisdom within that has and always will be there.

I am tired of running, I am tired of playing ignorant, I am tired of trying to be someone who perhaps never really was me. Right now I have no answers, as everything I seem to do no longer has an impact on my sense of self. The words null and void spring to mind when I think of these feelings. I now this is not permanent and it will only be a matter of time before something shifts and I am guided.

Perhaps this is exactly what it is.

My opportunity to be raw, vulnerable, null and let whatever is happening inside to take place with out judgement and just be with it.

Island Inspiration

It's so amazing to come out the other side of 'change'. Most of us fear change and entering the unknown.

I now sit writing this post overlooking the ocean from my Bungalow porch in Koh Phangan. I am on the west side of the island away from the hustle and bustle of young travelers getting their first taste of full moon party. Good for them, this is how we let off steam when we're young, or fall in love with traveling and of course the Kingdom of Thailand. An easy country to travel that continues to bring in tourists from all over in search of fun and of course the sun.

View from my Bungalow, where I sit when I write!

Who knows, perhaps 10 years later they too will choose a life of travel and come back to Koh Phangan and settle here for the reasons I have, in search of something different. Some Island inspiration to get the creative juices flowing, or to live simply and enjoy the simpler things in life that we often do not when we live in a busy city.

I have finally made the much anticipated move from Chiang Mai to Kho Phangan. It was a decision that if I look back was made 3 months ago, but as with most things in life, things take time and when you can see the light in being in both places it is hard to come to that final decision.

The realisation and finally the decision to make the move was that, the question perhaps would not have arisen if it was not innately what I wanted to do. Firstly I had to ask myself if I was running away from something?

I understand the real nature of change, and that is in this life, "change is the only constant". But in this inevitability there is something to be said for change that we create out of discontent or change that is inspired by a new beginning that comes from our highest values.

How to distinguish: The answer is simple. Tune in, and ask your self..."what is it that drives you"? "What gets you out of bed in the morning"?.

Sometimes we get caught in the trap of changing things for the sake of changing things in order to distract ourselves from what really needs to be changed...and what is this? 

a) Sometimes nothing in our external world - perhaps just the way we look at it. We often get so caught up in striving and wanting more that we regrettably do not appreciate what we already have.

b) listening to our true or essential self - if we are constantly changing things to busy or selves up perhaps this is a sign that our true self is not happy with the way things are. We must reconnect with innate wisdom and re-discover our truth, what makes us tick, like I said earlier; find out what gets us out of bed.