on my mind

I smoked a little blunt earlier so am feeling pretty chilled. Just watched a gig at the art cafe in Koh Phangan where a chick re-vibed some cool tracks with her own flavour and then threw in a few of her own as well as cited her own modern philosophical poetry. Unique and different! I like it...though as I was a little blazed I felt the urge to head home and write...but as it turns out I'm writing about the event.

Whats happening right now...

Im on my huge empty king side bed, door open, semi-fierce breeze coming in with fall fan switched onto level 3, lights on, insence burning... my fingers can't type as fast as I am thinking....I'm listening to Phil Collins, because it was the first thing that jumped out at me when I just flicked screens...is this song doing it for me? nope, I'm going to change it. Okay...here we go "losing my religion'...R.E.M...Now thats a goodie...reminds me of my cousin Vanessa when she was living in New Jersey and we were huge fans of Beverly Hills 90210. We used to send each other mixed tapes...yes tapes! and this track was on it, I think she discovered during that classic series!...and ever since then it always make me think of her...

What else is going on up there...

Ah...the anticipation and excitement of my friend Dana coming...no expectations Miss Liz! (song update..."One' U2). Yes I know..."no expectations" but the excitement of seeing her despite the outcome...this is the anticipation. I have a nice feeling about it, so will just be present to the time we get to spend together and I'm sure how ever we leave it, is the way it supposed to be.

I still though, have the a huge question mark in my mind for someone I'm not quite sure about...its been almost a year now and I still think of her in the same way as I did when I left...does she know? maybe, probably...she should...I mean I know her allot better and I still like her...but again, we are good friends and if (which I'm not too sure will) something is to happen or not, then I am happy regardless. 

It's weird ya know, when you meet someone, anyone, almost instantly you can tell if they are gonna be a close friend or if your attracted to them etc...obviously...but...sometimes when there is this ambiguity and we are uncertain of the feelings, you wonder if...it is the rose tinted filter on my mind creating a beautiful fantasy or is... ambiguity, just what it is, ambiguity? and then in this complex state of ambiguity we just question in circles what it is and nothing changes until it changes or until it becomes blatant...

I still am the avid believer in you will know it when it hits you in your face...

I'm going to enjoy another piece of mothers earths gifts...roll it in paper and then.....write some more :P