Movement in Stillness

Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. 

~ Joseph Cambell

We can all be a little gun hoe at times, pushing, pursuing, striving and reaching to get to our destination. Well as the old ‘us’ should right?, that’s how we achieved everything thus far. Then comes a fork in the road, a challenge so great, so unfamiliar that we have to call in the ‘big guns’. (The big guns refer to an intense experience that requires conscious attention and awareness).

Where on earth do I find something greater than what I am?  Then you finally reach a point where you realise that weapons of mass destruction, fuelled anger, impatience, violence, low self worth, past conditioning are no longer a viable substitute for the journey ahead.

Like a battle at war, it’s scary, it instills fear, you feel weak, vulnerable and undeniably clueless of your next step. You may as well put away the guns, for you will fight a losing battle and here they are a worthless resistance on this path to self-love and acceptance.

The fork in road represents that point in your life you no longer understand what you are doing or why you are doing it. Life is asking you to stop and check in. It is not necessarily a derailment it is simply a time of reflection, a time to tune into your infinite frequency of truth and inner wisdom.

Allowing your life to unfold is really about taking a step back at points you feel this resistance. Pushing and frustration do not apply here. It is the time to be still, to observe, to be free from judgement and surrender to what is. The true answer will only present at this time.

When you are no longer guided by your essence the universe has a funny way of showing us. I know of so many people that have stumbled across this fork and had a complete, lets say ‘crisis’, before they made the career shift into passion and have now set off in a direction they did not even dream of.

Sometimes it takes us a while to realise we had even checked out. We go through the motions to get us from A – B. Often doing things we think we should be doing in order to fulfil an expectation set for us or set by ourselves but having lost the initial purpose. Often in those moments I would find myself asking, “what am I doing, How did this happen? How did I get here? Why am I doing this again?”

Its at those points we need to ask ourselves the question, what do I really want to be doing? How do I want to spend my days? What drives me? What puts me in my flow, where time disappears and 5 minutes feels like an hour? What is my essence, what feels right in my body when I ask it these questions?

Unfortunately, no one has the answer. Only stillness and silence can provide the space, but it is with practice and subtlety that we acknowledge what feels right in our body and being present to what is to unfold.

I write to you of this because this is my experience. I am a 32-year-old personal trainer who has trained to push hard, battle, and leap over obstacles and run away when I don’t understand or don’t like something. But by nature I am a traveller, an adventurer, the seeker of truth.  So having realised this at the ripe old age of 32 my path has brought me to Thailand to explore this inner wisdom and find my truth.

In the midst of setting up and delivering what I ‘thought’ to be “the services I offered”, wellness and holistic lifestyle coaching. I stumble across a gigantic fork, perhaps my ego or perhaps the confrontation of its destruction. Which ever, I now know and can better distinguish that the resistance I felt was the true ‘me’ speaking up. It is finally being heard, being felt and it now wants to guide me.

Typically I freak out, I’m not sure I like what it means, “letting go” and surrendering to what is. But am I ready?

I say No, but the universe clearly says yes. So I lock my self in my apartment for 4 days in a one to one battle with my mind. Crying, struggling, feeling lonely, resisting the shift, moving in and out of stillness, entertaining the steady stream of purging emotions; fear, anger, giving up and just wanting to go home. Feeling totally lost and frustrated! After 3 days, I am exhausted.

I had no choice but to surrender in stillness. It would have been about 3-4 hours of meditation and breathing that on that Saturday afternoon I was able to tune in and be guided to the answer that felt right in my body.

This experience truly felt that is was the battle of my unconsciousness, intuition and inner wisdom. Finally coming head to head with where the universe dissolves in to my being. All I had to do here was nothing, just be still, feel, listen.

It is at this meeting point that I realised I could no longer run, no longer keep doing things unconsciously as the universe would of kept finding me and challenging my purpose until I really understood how and why.

Am I sure this is my essence?

The universe has communicated to me by depleting my bank account and leaving me in what us western folk would call, ‘high and dry’.  I am totally high on life (especially having felt and understood my purpose), but I am also almost broke.

But the key appears…here is why.

Now I only work from that place inside that feels right, I attract and draw people that are of a similar nature and path. While I want to share my work in the mainstream as it could serve so many others, perhaps they are not ready. It is not to say that this work is exclusive, but in a way it is. You have to be willing to do the work, and ready to discover what is waiting.

Watching life unfold is enchanting and humorous, when we think we are entering one door, it often slams shut, leaving us no choice to be present to the next one that opens. There is always another door if you are conscious to it, but to decide which one we go through is perhaps not really up to us.

This is where stillness, non-doing and complete surrender become our guide. Moving us through the door that takes us to our higher purpose.

Now that I have accepted this process, I feel a connection to the universe. Work is simply appearing and the really funny thing about it is, that they are clients and projects that I want to work on. Unlike the past I am not taking on projects or clients because I need money, as I know in the long run this becomes draining. Financial abundance and true freedom comes when you work in alignment to who you are.

6 Steps to realign with your inner wisdom :

If you are at a cross-roads or a point in your life where you feel your direction is unknown.

·       Take a step back or some time off work to have some time with your self

·       Stay calm, be still and be with your self, it is part of a greater process

·       Use breath work and meditation

·       Check in with your body and ask questions…see what feels right

·       You have all the answers with in, you just have to tune and trust your inner guru. Only you know what is best for you.

·       So be still and cultivate inner awareness