The Wind

I finally made it safely to Koh Phagan.

After a day of darkness with fear overwhelming me yesterday,(almost consuming me) I packed my bag to head off in discovery of my first 'find your flow' retreat. We have no one booked, but we are hopeful that people will be attending the workshops.

So I’m laying in my Bungalow listening to the hum of the wind and the crashing of waves. I actually do feel really secluded where I am. So while this week is not about retreat success it is about experiencing and finding the flow for myself.

For the last 3 months in Chiang Mai, I have been doing the work. I need a break from it. I need time to digest and apply. I love my life, my world and me. Sometimes I feel that it is hard to accept what is and go with the flow of life and remember that everything is, the way it is supposed to be. But if I was to take a giant leap back and look at the journey in retrospect, I would see the flowering of a wonderful human being lucky for her human experience.

Since I was 14 I remember that I always wanted to do what Liz wanted to do. Though when I was 14 I was living under my parents roof, getting suspended and eventually expelled and blasting Metallica, not only to piss my parents off but because it resonated with the feelings of frustration I felt growing up.

Childhood is another story, but in no way shape or form did I have a bad up bringing. I have the most amazing wonderful and supportive parents anyone could have ever have found. Their journey was necessary for them as much as me becoming a part of their world was for mine. I wouldn’t change a thing.

If they supported me creatively and recognised the potential of this dynamic little creature that is 'I'. I could honestly say that I would not be who I am today.

Back to that…I still have trouble processing the characteristics of my being. But as time goes by, especially in the last 3 months of being here in Chiang Mai. It is presented to me everyday that I am good at my work and totally in love with it.

It feels a little obnoxious to say because I have never thought of what I do as anything special. Essentially I am a personal trainer who now practices yoga and meditates. But ultimately I am morphing my skills of emotional intelligence, compassion and wisdom and combining them with my skills of physical fitness, nutrition and body awareness in to a program that can be accessed by anybody.

This acknowledgement has come to me after a long travel nanna nap, waking up to the powerful sound of the wind and waves crashing right at my door step of my Bungalow in Koh Phangan. I’m right on the beach. (Check it out)…

....The minute I walk out into the wind, I feel that it shifts and carries all my old, stale and negative energy away. Replenishing me with brand new prana.

I have said to people before in times of distress and anxiety. Things need to happen this way and cause you this pain in order for you to stop and check in. But, its not the content of the process that matters, but the process it self. So what’s going on really doesn’t matter its how you manage your attitude and perception of it that will reflect real growth and progress. But its also not about the progress it’s about acceptance, acceptance of where you are right now.