SiCK as BiTCH

wow, what a quick 6 days it has been. Ive not gone this long with out blogging since I started this. Oh well, life does that. I've had lots to say, but sometimes observing my thoughts is just as interesting.

So now that I am sick. SiCK as a BiTCH in fact! here is what I am thinking today.

I never get sick. I mean never. I still think I can count on two hands the number of times in my life I have been sick. Seriously. Im usually made of steel. Often I refer to myself as ‘Titanium’. But this time, not so much. I'm more like titanium covered with cotton wool. I am lying on my bed after a painful 45 min session in the city feeling really sorry for myself. I like to think of my self as an extrodinary human being that is invisible. That’s right, in destructible & untouchable. Looks like the little germs found me and here I am, weak, sneezing and coughing.

It makes me wonder, am I currently doing too much? I think yes, but my ‘vision’ says NO! push on, suck it up, your almost there. I know I am, but a full day off would really help!

What’s been going on since my last post… Well besides working, I have kind of been seeing someone. The circumstances are not ideal, moral judgement and core values say, leave it and if it’s meant to be it will be. But how do you ignore a connection, an intrigue, curiosity, passion. I’m not sure that you do?

I know me pretty well and I know I get caught up in matters of the heart. But in each time that I have, I have always felt something more than a fling, a one night stand, a one off. Its just the way that I am built. I have also had my run of learning experiences and string of girls that have been beautifully presented to me to reflect and teach me more about me. When do we stop learning? When we stop learning, we stop growing and evolving. I’m not sure which freaks me out more, when the learning stops or when the growing stops. I think it’s a bit of a spiritual oxymoron.

So in my situation the moral dilemma is; remain present or adhere to values.

Both of these rank high to me on a personal ricta scale, but in this instance hearts besides my own can be broken. We have spoken about this time and time again, but the circle eludes us both. We have dissected the scenario and all possible out comes numerous times and our feelings when we are lying in bed together bring us back to the present and set our values to the side.

I am leaving in 7 weeks and I am remaining true to my goals and inner most desire to experience more, learn more and just be me. What happens while I am away is purely the flow of life…

a chooo...