is it too much?

9:33pm Sunday night. 

I finally get home and am able to chill out before I have to get to bed and be up at 5am for a 6m appointment. I really appreciating PT work at the moment. It's the cafe and the bar job that are definitely killing my life. I have never felt this drained and lacking in energy.

I spent a couple of hours with my mum on Saturday and it was so good to see her. Though the only problem was that I was dead tired, didn't want to walk around and look at the shops like we usually do when we catch up and just wanted to get home to rest before another slog at the bar.

I am trying to think of my priorities and keep my goals in focus, but it seems that my health and energy levels are totally out of focus. Feeling, heavy, lethargic, snappy, forgetful and just not myself.

So I am wondering if I am expecting too much from myself or am I just wimping out because I am tired...constantly. Am I being realistic? I still have debt on my plate that I am trying to clear and trying to save for a 6 months of traveling amongst all of this is really stressing me out. The income is still inconsistent, though I must say that I am chipping away at it all and achieving mini milestones weekly, which does feel great... though all I want to see is the bank balance jump up every week.

My gut is telling me to let go of the cafe, but I do really enjoy it. After the 20th July he will be paying me cash and I can pretty much set my hours. At the bar, the money is good, tips are good, the people I work with are fun but the hours are a little outta whack.

All I know is this, after another week like last week, I am wrecked. I think its too much, but right now I am not sure I can let go of anything. Looks like another sinking week. I think its also time to give up the fags as ultimately I think this is what is letting me down and draining me of all vital energy.