re.assurance

I'm probably going to sound very un-enlightened in saying this, but I have a point.

Its really fuckin crazy how as individuals we can be so hard on ourselves to the point of detriment. I guess that's where the saying "you're your own worst enemy" comes from.

I worked with a young girl last night. 22 years old and just so insecure. I become very aware and attune to this sort of self talk, because I have gone through the journey and since moved on. I know that everyone learns at their own pace, but the degree of self loathing visible in this girl is insane. Very draining and pointless to add words of wisdom because there is still the ego of stubbornness present that does not permit anothers opinion or reassurance to advise otherwise. Very frustrating.

Learning to love and accept yourself, strengths, weakness, skills and flaws is an ongoing process. Letting go of hang ups, over coming fears, rising above criticism...they are all virtues that cultivate with age, experience and lessons. How open we are to receiving and learning more about our essence is determined by how we can deconstruct our ego. Which is our conditioning, from family, school, friends, repeated self talk. This is definitely one of life's major and harder tasks. Because this is teaching ourselves to unlearn what we once believe, which is usually a fictitious story of how we perceived a situation and RE-learn to approach the story based on facts with out attaching meaning. WOW! that's friggen hard core, but if we want to release ourselves from our 'mind speak' then this is what has to be done.

1 year ago. I used to battle with this allot. My mind taking over and propelling me into depression. Not clinical depression, but just feeling depressed! All I wanted to do is sleep in my room with curtains drawn, in hope that when I wake up everything will be dealt with. I would go out and drink, get drunk, barely manage hangovers, do it again, smoke cigarettes, smoke more cigarettes, eat poorly. Etc. This maybe normal for some, but for me...all these behaviours were contributing to my feeling of anger, frustration, stagnation and resentment. All toward myself...

1 year on. Present day. I can't say that I am "Lizzy Lama" (Dali lama, incase you didn't get that), (a long way off I'm sure, but you get my drift). But I am now able to recognise and realise what needs to happen before I let my mind start speaking and controlling my actions. My mind still speaks but I am better and quicker able to let go of whats irrelevant and apply whats relevant to keep me moving in a forward direction.