love is a spectrum

"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning". ~Unknown

Don't worry I'm not gonna get all mushy. But what I am gonna get is all philosophical and poetic. Maybe not a rhyming poet but just all...."love is blind", "love is a flower", la la la...

But first, I need my Nanna Nap. 3 hours later... Im not sure if thats a Nanna Nap anymore?

Anyways....back to la la L.O.V.E...

So in my 20 or so years that I have been attracted to another human being, opposite sex, same sex, or just sex. It seems those little things we call emotions; desires, attachment, love is what draws us close to a mate and keeps you together for 'x' days, weeks, months, years, decades. (eeek on the last one).

I speak about this today because of a phone conversation I had with an excellent mate last night. She is coming to many realisations about the relationship she is currently in. My advice is sometimes you have to go that deep into something to before you realise that's not what you want before you realise what it is you want. Sometimes the stakes have to be high so the message becomes clear. That's how I learnt anyways. Leaving London was not for me, but I certainly got the message when she broke up with. (Bitch) - Jokes ~

How I see it (shoot me if you don't agree, as I am still single over here) is, that we can love many times over and ove. After the intial sting we get over the pain and hurt and might say, "we didn't really love them", or "I dont know what love is".  Is this to protect our definiton of love we hold in our mind? Maybe.

Instinctively, I believe we all do know what love is. But we cling to the idea that we have to identify it, when in fact it can be and is so many thnigs at once. 

So saying I love you to someone because you mean it at that point in time;  

...and all a word can ever be is your definition and understanding of that word at that point in time...and love is one of those ambiguous words, where based on our conditioning and experiences we all hold a different meaning for love.

to then realise we are not sure we love someone for the previous definition we gave it at that time, does not mean we don't love them, it just means our meaning of love and what is NOW important to us has changed. This is not to say that we don't love them for who they are. Because who they are is obviously great because you were with them. But if your meaning does not evolve with the person and all the facets of a strong relationship are; not present, diminish or morph into something else over time. This is OK, doesn't mean your naive or foolish it just means that you now recognise. The hard part is then breaking it to them...the cliche, Its not you its me! I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Ouchy wah wah!!. This is the shit that burns bridges. But the fact of the matter is, if they understood you and you were both on the same page then this whole "I'm not in love with you pa.la.bah", probably wouldn't be the case. No one is to blame here, I guess its just how life presents us with lessons we need to learn.

So love as spectrum...

What I mean by this spectrum, is that we can have friendship love, love hanging out with certain people, loving your partner so much at the time, moving on and then meeting someone new, loving them and thinking wow, I didn't love my ex that much. But at that point in time you did. We can try to compare and say I loved her more than her or him more than her or any which way, but at the end of the day, when you don't know any better right now and that's how you feel right now, you have to go with that. So the spectrum is simple, we love to love, love to be love and love is constantly changing...

Black and White is too simple for this theory (and the colours are too boring, love is colour!). Ha haha Black and White is a whole other theory I could write about. Reminds me of someone and another lesson learnt.

I have truly been blessed to have some really cool people come in and out of my life as long time lovers and short term romances even a few flings. I don't think that I would be in a relationship with someone I couldn't love. Mind you, I am also someone that has a lot of love to give. I love to love and love to be loved. So I do have to wise about who I let in, are they worthy.

My favourite song at the moment!
Cheryl Cole - 3 Words