Live, Laugh, Love

So in application of this "love is a spectrum theory" to my life;

Me and my XXXX moved back from London, I loved her like no other, no other!! Is it because, I made major sacrifices for her based on promises WE made for a life back home together, she was my first serious girl relationship or is it because I fundamentally loved her as a person and thought she was the one? Based on what I needed to learn at that time, (i.e. only make decisions for your self, do what you want to do) I think it was the former. Clinging on to the idea of some future together and the ideal of a stable relationship.


Then there is the XXX who I had a mini affair with. I say mini because it was. We fell in love with each other as the people we are. I can still say, I love her for who she is. Now she has started a family and is happy and we are still good mates. (The 4X hates me :-/) We met in really weird circumstances, my relationship was ping pong and hers was empty. We found something in each other that filled a void in both of us. As great as the physical was, it was more a friendship that had we pursued anything more we would of ended up resentful of each other. Way too similar as individuals.


Then there is XX. The party girl. This was actually a really insightful love. Because I said I loved her once I think, just before she went travelling. But she would definitely not understand this spectrum I am talking about. Well maybe at a friendship level. But I do still love her the same way I did when I was with her. So to me that says 'friend'. She took it as me LOVING her and I have since denied saying it because it does my head in for her to think that I was gaga over her. I enjoyed being with her, but from the beginning I knew she was leaving and therefore not the one. I really care about her as a friend and I love that we can talk about everything.


Then there is the X. Hard to call her an X because we were never official. But in essence it was, because we were exclusive to each other at that point of time. She by far has been my favourite to love. This has probably been the easiest to let go of simply because of the honesty, communication and understanding between us. I think we both knew when she was leaving that the last morning in my kitchen when we were crying was tears of acknowledging that a chapter was closing right before our very eyes. It was hurtful at the time, because we really understood and respected each other as two people...and if we didn't understand we tried to and if we couldn't we just accepted. I could of married her! But like me, she has amazing dreams of her own and she said it herself, she could never probably be fulfilled in a female relationship. Takes allot of guts to say that. I admire that about her. She probably has taught me the most about my self that anyone has in a long time. So to say it was easy to let go of, makes it sound irrelevant and disposable. When in actual fact, this is true letting go. Being able to understand all aspects of the situation and see it for what it is, not for what you expected it to be or what is wasn't. Tat va masi! She probably waltzed or knowing her pirouetted into my life for such a brief time to teach me lots of lessons quickly. For that I love ya!

So to tie all this rambling up.

    Live Laugh Love

Why I titled this post, Live, Laugh, Love. You have to live, experience, feel pain, feel happiness to be able to know your alive. When we have learnt lessons about others and ourselves, sometimes all you can do is laugh. But as humans we seek happiness, peace, freedom and love!

Now I live, completely open minded I am more confident of who Liz Smiz is and have let go of self expectation. Through lessons learnt I have become stronger, more resilient, more intuitive and am really enjoying being present to the freedom of my mind. Limitless!